Relationship
Some ways to manage the ups and downs in your relationship (final)
• Be patient and work at your relationship copy
Perhaps you can think about these ups and downs and curves in the following way. Sometimes when you go on a trip you get directly to your destination with ease in a timely manner.
If you use air travel, sometimes the checking in and boarding processes are as quick and efficient as can be. The flight leaves on time, it’s as comfortable as can be and arrives on time. Other times flights are delayed or cancelled. Or perhaps the plane goes through a great deal of turbulence. Travel and life are inconsistent and uncertain. Relationships are surely like that too.
How to Manage Ups and Downs in Your Relationship
• Understand that ups and downs and fluctuations are normal and know that they are surely going to happen
• Be patient, kind and compassionate with yourself and your partner as you navigate the changes and curves
• Look back to where you were and where you are now in terms of growth
• Write down signs of progress
• Address concerns and issues as they arise to thwart building resentments
• Communicate regularly with openness and honesty
• Seek input and advice from friends or an experienced professional to help you see things objectively
• Take responsibility for your part in the strengths and weaknesses of the relationship
• Allow yourself to feel your feelings—your grief, relief, sadness, joy, sorrow, loneliness and anger
As I reflect on my work with Ann and Charlotte, Loraine and Peter and Ken and Kim, they all arrived in my office having a range of concerns about their relationship. They expressed hurt, anger, fear and loneliness. They felt unheard, uncared for and unsupported and wondered where the joy, passion and intimacy that they once felt had gone. Over time each couple began to communicate more effectively, to heal their wounds and to have more harmony, support, caring and understanding in their relationship.
They came to understand and accept that there were ups and downs in their relationship, and developed the resources to deal with them. Please know that you can do the same!
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Source: www.marriage.com
Relationship
Tips for a stress free family Christmas
Many people find Christmas a stressful time and this is often to do with expectations. We all worry about getting the right gifts for people, preparing the perfect Christmas dinner, getting the house ready and spending concentrated time with extended family.
To help you have a fun Christmas rather than a frazzled one here are some tips for keeping the pressure off.
1. State expectations
Make sure that you have conversations with your family and friends about everyone’s expectations of Christmas well in advance. That way you can deal with any difficult demands and make compromises that suit everyone.
If you are worried about the cost of Christmas, you could also set some spending limits for gifts or come up with ideas for presents that don’t need to be bought; for example washing the car or making someone breakfast in bed.
2. Remember it’s OK to say no
As well as talking to your family about what they want to happen at Christmas be honest about what you want to do too.
If you want to turn something down, explain why you do not want to do it, and have a suggestion ready for an alternative.
For example instead of taking on all the cooking you could suggest a ‘bring and share’ meal so that everyone takes a share of the work.
3. Practical prep
If you are hosting Christmas, it is always a good idea to do some prep beforehand – simple things like making (or buying!) the food early or wrapping presents the weekend before can really help.
Make a list of tasks that need to be done in the run up to Christmas and ask your family and friends to each put their name to something. You can stick this up at home and even get the kids to decorate it with Christmas pictures or stickers.
4. Delegate, delegate, delegate
Do not be afraid to ask your guests for help. We can all fall into the trap of wanting to be the perfect host, but in reality, hosting Christmas Day can be very demanding. Asking people to help can make everyone feel involved. Children really like to feel helpful, so get them involved with handing round snacks or setting the table.
5. Avoid conflict
If you are worried your guests might not get on, go for a walk in the afternoon to break things up a little. This gives everyone the chance to chat to someone different, or even to stay at home if tension is building.
Equally, you can always ask a guest to make drinks, or help out with the kids in order to break up any potential conflict.
6. It is your Christmas too
Christmas Day can whizz by in a festive blur without you so much has sniffing a glass of fizz or pulling a cracker because you’re frantically trying to make everything perfect for everyone else.
Remember that it is your Christmas too and you should be able to enjoy it. Make a timetable for the day so that there are regular times when you can sit down and talk with everyone or play with the children.
Relationship
Social and economic implications of divorce
Social Implications
divorce has social consequences that extend beyond the couple to affect families, communities, and society. The failure of a marriage often leads to a ripple effect that transforms social relationships and societal dynamics (Amato, 2010).
a. Impact on family dynamics
Marital dissolution reshapes family roles and responsibilities, often resulting in conflicts among family members. Studies indicate that children often feel torn between parents, leading to strained parent-child relationships (Lansford, 2009). In Ghana, studies have shown that children in divorced families are more prone to behavioural issues, often feeling unsupported and confused (Abane, 2011). Additionally, research suggests that parental divorce can lead to long-term emotional instability in children—affecting their ability to form secure attachments and causing relational difficulties that may last well into adulthood (Fagan & Churchill, 2012).
b. Community disruption
When marriages break down, communities experience a weakening of social ties. People who are divorced and their children may feel alienated or stigmatised, and thereby become more withdrawn. In the USA, a report by the Institute for Family Studies (Wilcox et al. [2020]) reveals that community-level marriage dissolution correlates with lower community engagement and weaker social bonds. This can contribute to a reduction in collective cohesion, support networks, and social integration—affecting the quality of community life and overall societal well-being (Harkonen, 2014).
c. Children’s social development
Children of divorced parents commonly struggle with issues such as insecurity, trust, and difficulty building relationships. According to a study conducted in the UK, children belonging to divorcees are 33 per cent more likely to experience anxiety and social withdrawal than those in stable two-parent families (Office for National Statistics, 2021). Similarly, Nigerian studies show that children from divorced families mostly struggle with peer relationships, academic performance, and self-esteem (Olowodunoye & Ogungbamila, 2013). These social challenges can have lasting impacts, including increased risks of academic and occupational hurdles in adulthood.
Economic Implications
The economic costs of divorce are both immediate and long-term. They impact individuals and families, and on a larger scale, can influence the economic health of entire societies (Wagner & Weiss, 2006).
a. Financial strain
People’s financial stability can suffer greatly due to divorce. One or both spouses may struggle to cover basic expenses and maintain their pre-divorce lifestyle. Studies from the USA show that, on average, divorce can shrink household income by 15-40 per cent due to legal fees, asset division, and shifts in living arrangements (Amato, 2014). In Ghana, research suggests that divorced women, in particular, face financial hardship, with many relying on extended family support (Osei-Hwedie & Mwansa, 2007). Moreover, divorce in Nigeria substantially changes financial security, especially for women who lack legal protection for property or financial rights (Isiugo-Abanihe, 2005).
b. Impact on career and productivity
Marriage dissolution can alter work productivity and career growth. A study conducted by the United Kingdom’s Marriage Foundation (2019) revealed that individuals undergoing divorce tend to encounter a temporary drop in work performance, with a reported 20 per cent increase in sick days among recently divorced employees. Career disruption not only influences personal financial stability but can also minimise overall workforce efficiency, with consequences for national economic output (Vignoli et al., 2018).
c. Economic burden on society
The economic consequence of divorce extends beyond the individuals involved, placing a financial strain on public resources. A report from the Institute of Economic Affairs (2016) found that family breakdown costs the UK economy approximately £48 billion annually in welfare and support programmes, with similar patterns observed in the USA (Thomas & Sawhill, 2002). Divorce-related economic challenges normally require government intervention in the form of social welfare, housing assistance, and other public benefits, making family dysfunction an economic burden on society (Vignoli et al., 2018).
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist). https:// counselorprinceass.wixsite.com/ edu-counseling-psych
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website-psychologist
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website
COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
