Relationship
Things you shouldn’t do at the beginning of a relationship
The beginning of a relationship is one of the most exhilarating moments for a couple. It is okay to be all over each other, but avoid letting your excitement ruin a blossoming romance.
It is normal to feel excited and hopeful of the future your relationship may have. But here are few things you should avoid doing in a blossoming relationship.
1. Playing hard to get
While it’s always best not to be too ‘available’ for your new boyfriend, it’s not a good thing to play hard to get. Your boyfriend will surely notice it, and it won’t make a good impression on him.
So, if you’re not busy, answer his text messages or calls. If you are available for a date when he asks, say yes. Just be honest, and stay between being easy and playing hard to get to make sure the relationship moves smoothly.
2. Being too clingy and needy
Since your relationship is new and you don’t know much about your new guy yet, it’s only natural to want to spend every waking moment with him. You want to get to know him, and you’re hungry for his presence and all the things that attracted you to him in the first place.
However, your boyfriend needs to breathe and do things on his own. Even if he likes you, he still has to have time for himself. He can’t be with you 24/7, so don’t pressure him into spending every moment with you.
Let him do his thing, and you’ll be amazed at how he’ll want to be with you more because you’re not suffocating him.
3. Being too jealous and possessive
Your boyfriend will likely have friends of the opposite sex who he still sees and talks to. Don’t prevent him from doing so because it’s inappropriate. You don’t want him to think that you’re the crazy girlfriend, right?
Don’t be jealous of these friends, because before you became his girlfriend, they were there for him and were his friends already. You probably also have friends of the opposite sex who you don’t wish to ditch for your new boyfriend. Be understanding and know your boundaries.
4. Expecting your boyfriend to read your mind
It’s easy to assume that your new guy knows what’s going on inside that mind of yours, but he doesn’t. This is why you should never expect him to be a mind reader. You have to communicate your expectations and needs to him, and he should do the same thing so that the relationship can flourish.
If you always expect him to know exactly what you need, you’ll be in for disappointment.
5. Lying
The problem with lying at the beginning is that it all starts with a small lie. To cover up that lie, you’ll be forced to make another lie until such time that you have to lie constantly so that you don’t get caught in the previous lies.
This is something your new partner does not deserve, so don’t make them suffer because of your issues. Be honest because they deserve the truth.
6. Talking about the future constantly
You just started dating so initiating talks about the future, like moving in together or settling down, is just inappropriate. While it’s something that can warm the heart of your significant other (given the affection you evidently have for him), it can also place unnecessary pressure on him (because he may not feel the same way just yet).
So, don’t ‘scare’ him away by this kind of talk. Just enjoy the ride. You can talk about how many kids you’ll have and when you want to start a family with him when the right time comes.
7. Losing your sense of self
Often, people stop pursuing their passions when they enter a new relationship. Even if you want to spend all your time with your partner, find time to do what makes you happy and fulfills you as a person.
8. Ignoring signs of trouble
If your partner shows any signs that he may have violent tendencies, do not shrug them off. Be sure to keep your eyes open and look for other signs that will confirm that he has issues.
It’s easier to walk away when you haven’t fallen in love with him yet than when you’ve already given him your all.
- Relategist.com
Relationship
Tips for a stress free family Christmas
Many people find Christmas a stressful time and this is often to do with expectations. We all worry about getting the right gifts for people, preparing the perfect Christmas dinner, getting the house ready and spending concentrated time with extended family.
To help you have a fun Christmas rather than a frazzled one here are some tips for keeping the pressure off.
1. State expectations
Make sure that you have conversations with your family and friends about everyone’s expectations of Christmas well in advance. That way you can deal with any difficult demands and make compromises that suit everyone.
If you are worried about the cost of Christmas, you could also set some spending limits for gifts or come up with ideas for presents that don’t need to be bought; for example washing the car or making someone breakfast in bed.
2. Remember it’s OK to say no
As well as talking to your family about what they want to happen at Christmas be honest about what you want to do too.
If you want to turn something down, explain why you do not want to do it, and have a suggestion ready for an alternative.
For example instead of taking on all the cooking you could suggest a ‘bring and share’ meal so that everyone takes a share of the work.
3. Practical prep
If you are hosting Christmas, it is always a good idea to do some prep beforehand – simple things like making (or buying!) the food early or wrapping presents the weekend before can really help.
Make a list of tasks that need to be done in the run up to Christmas and ask your family and friends to each put their name to something. You can stick this up at home and even get the kids to decorate it with Christmas pictures or stickers.
4. Delegate, delegate, delegate
Do not be afraid to ask your guests for help. We can all fall into the trap of wanting to be the perfect host, but in reality, hosting Christmas Day can be very demanding. Asking people to help can make everyone feel involved. Children really like to feel helpful, so get them involved with handing round snacks or setting the table.
5. Avoid conflict
If you are worried your guests might not get on, go for a walk in the afternoon to break things up a little. This gives everyone the chance to chat to someone different, or even to stay at home if tension is building.
Equally, you can always ask a guest to make drinks, or help out with the kids in order to break up any potential conflict.
6. It is your Christmas too
Christmas Day can whizz by in a festive blur without you so much has sniffing a glass of fizz or pulling a cracker because you’re frantically trying to make everything perfect for everyone else.
Remember that it is your Christmas too and you should be able to enjoy it. Make a timetable for the day so that there are regular times when you can sit down and talk with everyone or play with the children.
Relationship
Social and economic implications of divorce
Social Implications
divorce has social consequences that extend beyond the couple to affect families, communities, and society. The failure of a marriage often leads to a ripple effect that transforms social relationships and societal dynamics (Amato, 2010).
a. Impact on family dynamics
Marital dissolution reshapes family roles and responsibilities, often resulting in conflicts among family members. Studies indicate that children often feel torn between parents, leading to strained parent-child relationships (Lansford, 2009). In Ghana, studies have shown that children in divorced families are more prone to behavioural issues, often feeling unsupported and confused (Abane, 2011). Additionally, research suggests that parental divorce can lead to long-term emotional instability in children—affecting their ability to form secure attachments and causing relational difficulties that may last well into adulthood (Fagan & Churchill, 2012).
b. Community disruption
When marriages break down, communities experience a weakening of social ties. People who are divorced and their children may feel alienated or stigmatised, and thereby become more withdrawn. In the USA, a report by the Institute for Family Studies (Wilcox et al. [2020]) reveals that community-level marriage dissolution correlates with lower community engagement and weaker social bonds. This can contribute to a reduction in collective cohesion, support networks, and social integration—affecting the quality of community life and overall societal well-being (Harkonen, 2014).
c. Children’s social development
Children of divorced parents commonly struggle with issues such as insecurity, trust, and difficulty building relationships. According to a study conducted in the UK, children belonging to divorcees are 33 per cent more likely to experience anxiety and social withdrawal than those in stable two-parent families (Office for National Statistics, 2021). Similarly, Nigerian studies show that children from divorced families mostly struggle with peer relationships, academic performance, and self-esteem (Olowodunoye & Ogungbamila, 2013). These social challenges can have lasting impacts, including increased risks of academic and occupational hurdles in adulthood.
Economic Implications
The economic costs of divorce are both immediate and long-term. They impact individuals and families, and on a larger scale, can influence the economic health of entire societies (Wagner & Weiss, 2006).
a. Financial strain
People’s financial stability can suffer greatly due to divorce. One or both spouses may struggle to cover basic expenses and maintain their pre-divorce lifestyle. Studies from the USA show that, on average, divorce can shrink household income by 15-40 per cent due to legal fees, asset division, and shifts in living arrangements (Amato, 2014). In Ghana, research suggests that divorced women, in particular, face financial hardship, with many relying on extended family support (Osei-Hwedie & Mwansa, 2007). Moreover, divorce in Nigeria substantially changes financial security, especially for women who lack legal protection for property or financial rights (Isiugo-Abanihe, 2005).
b. Impact on career and productivity
Marriage dissolution can alter work productivity and career growth. A study conducted by the United Kingdom’s Marriage Foundation (2019) revealed that individuals undergoing divorce tend to encounter a temporary drop in work performance, with a reported 20 per cent increase in sick days among recently divorced employees. Career disruption not only influences personal financial stability but can also minimise overall workforce efficiency, with consequences for national economic output (Vignoli et al., 2018).
c. Economic burden on society
The economic consequence of divorce extends beyond the individuals involved, placing a financial strain on public resources. A report from the Institute of Economic Affairs (2016) found that family breakdown costs the UK economy approximately £48 billion annually in welfare and support programmes, with similar patterns observed in the USA (Thomas & Sawhill, 2002). Divorce-related economic challenges normally require government intervention in the form of social welfare, housing assistance, and other public benefits, making family dysfunction an economic burden on society (Vignoli et al., 2018).
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist). https:// counselorprinceass.wixsite.com/ edu-counseling-psych
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website-psychologist
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website
COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
