Features
Is anything wrong with single parenting?
The various English dictionaries define Single Parenting as a parent, either father or mother alone, practising and taking responsibility of nurturing children in the absence of another parent. The common causes of single parenting, are divorce, death, underage or early pregnancy, single parent adoption, donor insemination among few others.
Becoming a single parent, is not anything one would have wished or expected in life because the Holy Bible itself talks about dignity in marriage, saying, “At the heart of God’s design for marriage is companionship and intimacy. The biblical picture of marriage, expands into something much broader with the husband and wife relationship, illustrating the relationship between Christ and the Church”.
WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT MARRIAGE
The Bible says in Proverbs 3: 3-4 that, “Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then, you will win favour and good name in the sight of God and man”. Romans Chapter 12 verse 10, says, “Be devoted to one another in love. Honour one another above yourself”.
In effect, marriage is the beginning of the family and is a life-long commitment. It provides an opportunity to grow in selflessness as you serve your wife and children. Marriage is more than a physical union; it is again a spiritual and emotional union. This union mirrors the one between God and His Church. The three gifts in marriage are companionship, passion and purpose.
THE ESSENCE OF MARRIAGE
The question people are often compelled to ask in their minds is: Why did God establish marriage? The answer is quite simple. First of all, marriage is a partnership. In Genesis 2: 18, God said, “It is not good for the man (Adam) to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him”. Sometimes we say, ‘in terms of my life, marrying my man or woman was the greatest thing that ever happened to me”. The second thing is that, marriage is for procreation.
I have decided to take my readers and patrons to the realms of the spiritual world to portray how it is necessary and important to come together as husband and wife as ordained by the Almighty God in the scriptures and why single parenting is a difficult issue to handle in life, even though most of the time, it will not be the cause of people involved.
THE SPECTATOR STORY ABOUT SINGLE MOTHERS
This important topic was as a result of a news article with the headline, “Single mothers have morals, don’t mock them” which was nicely crafted and structured by Dzifa Tetteh Tay, the Tema Regional Correspondent of the New Times Corporation (NTC), in the September 24, 2022, issue of The Spectator Weekend Newspaper. The topic was so interesting that I decided to take a holistic approach to single parenting and what it entails in marital life. For the benefit of those who have not read that news item and also to refresh the minds of my cherished readers and patrons, I will attempt to summarise that piece published in The Spectator.
That story reads in part, “There is a misconception out there that women who are single mothers have questionable moral virtues. As a result of this, there are many families who would not encourage their sons to marry such women or even permit their daughters to associate with them. Sadly, some religious institutions even discriminate against them especially those who had children out of wedlock, tagging them as unworthy, irresponsible or bad mothers”. This is a matter of concern to Mrs. Josephine Alai, the founder of Single Parenting With Purpose (SPWP), a local non- governmental organisation, who had said that, it was time society discarded such mentality, describing it as very unfortunate.
“Our society has not made life easy for a lot of single mothers,”she said, explaining that several reasons accounted for a woman to be a single mother. “Some lost their spouses, others had to run from abusive relationship, some from failed relationships and several others”. Mrs Alai wondered how any of the above reasons could be the woman’s fault, necessitating any name calling.
SYMPATHY AND SUPPORT
Indeed, there are many including this writer who cannot agree more with Mrs Alai’s observation because there are varieties of causes and factors contributing to mothers living as single parents, through no fault of theirs and, therefore, they need not to be blamed. They, rather deserve a lot of sympathy and support which will enable them to make a step further to choose responsible husbands to live together as married couples and to live worthy lives.
Research has indicated that single mothers are not a happy group. Lack of safety net, financial independence has been their biggest challenge. Besides, being the sole breadwinners, they have to take care of their children and manage a home single-handedly. Other than financial challenges, being a single mother is also, emotionally draining and psychologically stressful. More often, children raised by single mothers, are more likely to fare worse on a number of dimensions, including their school fees achievement, social and emotional development, their health and their success in the labour market.
PATIENCE AND LOYALTY
However, it has been established that single mothers are normally patient, committed, loyal and obedient. These mothers have to go deep into their hearts to pull out energy at times when they do not have it to make sure that they satisfy their new ‘catches’ in order to protect their marriages and make them productive in the second experience. It is also on record that many single mothers, have found love, companionship and partnership with good, successful men who respect and care for them and their children.
Indeed, single parenting, can be hard and stressful because you are trying to do everything by yourself and, therefore may feel overwhelmed, tired and stressed out because there is no one else around to help you with things like cooking, or getting children’s clothes and uniforms ready for school. Staying alone, is not anything one would encourage because it takes two to tango. At least sharing a company with your wife or husband in a mutual relationship will prolong the lifespan of couples as it will take away boredom and promote healthy relationships.
MUTUAL RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER
When the Bible refers to wives submitting to their husbands, it essentially means, wives should cultivate an attitude of respect for their husbands. Respect in this context includes, recognition of her husband as legitimate leader. This also applies to husbands who are expected to show love and care for their wives, since these attributes, matter most in good and successful relationship and marriage. Submission in marriage means selflessness, service, accountability and respect for your partner which should be mutual.
The Bible in Ephesians 5: 25 teaches us that husbands should love their wives and teach young women to love their husbands. Again, Titus 2:4, says, “Love in marriage can be deeper and more selfless than in any other relationship. It is this type of love that Jesus expects of His followers and it is the virtue that couples need the most”.
SHOWING LOVE AND CARE FOR SINGLE MOTHERS
Having dilated on this important topic, I believe that people who are castigating and denigrating single mothers, should rather, sympathise with them for their plight and rather help them to overcome the challenges associated with their conditions to make them more cheerful and upright. The single mothers and fathers, especially those who have lost their spouses, should not lose hope, but rather move ahead positively and re-marry to move on with their lives.
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By Charles Neequaye
Features
The Prophet part 4
Antobam woke up with a terrible headache. He checked the time on his mobile phone, 2:30 am. “What! Where is the money?” He asked aloud. “Where are those girls? Why did I drink so much of that whisky? What were those two girls up to?” He sat up on the bed and noticed a bulge close to the pillow.
He lifted the mattress and picked up the newspaper wrappers with the neatly arranged notes. He saw the neatly written record of the value of the notes. No, those girls are not thieves.
“It was my mistake. If I hadn’t drank myself to sleep they would be here in bed with me, giving me the time of my life. Pretty girls, those two. And so loyal and honest. Tomorrow will be different.”
“I will not drink any whisky, and I will show them that I am a real man. Just then he heard the whispers. Very soon it will be time, they seemed to be saying. This is an important day.”
The gold dealer will bring lots of money. Give him some of the liquid to drink, and we will prepare him. He will do very big business, and he will give you anything you ask for. There will be more miracles and testimonies today.
Antobam smiled to himself. “I am going to be a very rich man in only a few days man. Money, power, and women. Wow! Antobam got to the grounds at 5, but there were quite a number of people waiting.
Mr Kwame Dofu was among them. He greeted them all, and they came around to shake his hand. “My brothers and sisters, I assure you that whatever your problem is, you will not go home without a solution.” Shouts of “Amen” “thank” you Osofo and “you are a true man of God” responded.
“Please take your seats, and start talking to the great one about whatever bothers you. Before the service is over, there will be a solution.” He waved Mr Dofu over, and went with him to the wooden structure that serves as a temporary office.
“My brother, I have done quite a lot of work on the issue you came to see me about. I have prepared a special, powerful package for you. Take this, drink it, and go back to your business. I want to see you in two weeks.”
Beaming with smiles, Mr Dofu drank the foul smelling liquid in two gulps, said a big thank you to Antobam and took his leave. “I believe you, Papa Osofo. And I assure you that I will reward you, big time.”
Just when Osofo Antubam finished with Mr Dofu, Mary and Suzzie went over to him. “Good Morning ladies. I am very sorry about yesterday. I drank too much of the stuff you gave me. Today will be different, I assure you.”
“Don’t worry, Osofo. Since you are now setting things up, our main concern now is to help you to put things in place, and to make you comfortable. We are always there to serve you. This morning, Osofo, we want to go and clean up your place, and prepare something nice for you when you close.
And before coming to church, we will pass by the bank and collect the forms. After you have signed them, the account will be open. You can check the payments anytime and, of course, issue cheques whenever you need money.”
“Suzzie and Mary, I am happy I picked the two of you from the very start. Listen, I will take good care of you, okay? Here is some money. Buy whatever you need for the errands you have mentioned.
And here is the key. Please come back as early as you can. You know I need you here.” The service was very lively. The lively singing of praise songs was followed by one and a half hours of testimonies.
Most of them related to money – big sales, new jobs and overdue debts paid. But there were also testimonies about healing. Barren women had taken seed, and, of course, several men who had lost their bedroom authority had regained them, to the delight of their partners.
As he had promised, Antobam preached for only 30 minutes, exhorting the congregation to attend church regularly, pay their tithes and offerings, and strictly follow his ‘directions’ for securing solutions to their problems.
After another round of praises during which the congregation danced to the floor to drop their offering, he closed the service, grabbed the big bowl which was full to the brim with money, and moved to his desk. A long queue was quickly formed at the desk.
Meanwhile, Mary and Suzzie had gone to give Antobam’s place quite a decent look. A new bedsheet and pillows, a secondhand carpet and four plastic chairs placed in the verandah had done the trick.
They also prepared two fish and chicken stews. After all these, they rushed to the National Savings Bank and collected application forms for opening current and savings accounts.
They joined the service a few minutes before the main session closed. Antobam looked round and saw, to his relief, Mary and Suzzie moving towards him. “Hello ladies. What have you been up to?” “Quite a bit, Osofo. We’ve just collected your drink. Here you are. We’ve made a few changes at your place. I think you will like it. You will also have something nice to eat. Now, here are the forms for the savings and current accounts.
If you will sign them, the bank will open the account. From today, we can pay all monies direct into the account.” ‘How can I thank you, ladies?” “You don’t need to thank us,” Suzzie said. “It is our duty to help a man of God succeed.” “Okay, my ladies, please take the offerings and count them as you did yesterday.
You can add the payments made after the consultations. Will it be possible to pay them into the account today?” “Yes,” Mary said. “The bank closes at four. If we leave here at three, we would be there just in time.”
The two friends started counting, as Osofo Antobam gave his clients his directions for solving their problems. On quite a few occasions he closed his eyes as if he was receiving direction from above on what to do.
But as the fetish priest at the Nana Kofi Broni shrine and the dwarfs had assured him, the solutions would certainly be provided. Having heard the huge testimonies earlier in the day, the clients parted with substantial sums of money in expectation.
By Ekow de Heer
Features
The issue of spiritual father in our churches
A student was supposed to go to school as the natural cause of events should be when universities or schools in general opens but this was not the case in a certain young man’s life.
He decided to postpone his trip because apparently he could not get to meet his pastor, his spiritual father. The question is, should this spiritual father die, will the young man’s life come to an end?
Does it mean in such an instance, he is going to curtail his education? This is a worrying trend in a lot of churches where the pastors use this notion of spiritual father to manipulate members especially the youth.
Some unscrupulous pastors utilise this spiritual father concept to have affairs with gullible young ladies in their churches.
Now with homosexuality gradually making inroads into some of the churches, young men are becoming vulnerable to pastors who have hidden homosexual inclinations.
This spiritual father concept is a Biblical concept that runs through both the Old Testament as well as the New Testament. We see it in 2 Kings 4:12 where Gehazi is serving Elisha and also in the New Testament we see Paul relating to Timothy in 1 Timothy 1:2 as a Spiritual Father.
In fact, the concept of spiritual father is a good thing if executed according to the word of God since it helps in guiding the younger ones. However, it becomes problematic when it is being executed by unscrupulous wolves in sheepskins as described by Jesus in Mathew 7:15.
I see it as a way that these unscrupulous so-called men of God maintain their hold on the congregants so they do not question their unchristian actions.
One of the things I have observed since I got born again many years ago is that, any pastor who often insists that members recognise that he is their spiritual father is a warning sign that he is doing some wrong things or is about to indulge in some wrong things.
A parent complained about how his daughter was being influenced by a pastor of the church she attends and how worried he was. I am sure there are many parents out there with stories to tell about how their wards are being made to see their pastors almost like their Jesus.
These pastors have managed to make their congregants so loyal to them and to believe in them so much that it is terrifying, as a parent.
The way things are going, an immediate intervention is required otherwise I am not a prophet of doom but I forsee unfortunate instances where parents burst into church auditoriums and star shooting some Pastors out of frustration and anger.
We cannot look on unconcerned as a society and allow unscrupulous fraudsters using the name of God to create problems for families. My recommendation is for a certain amount of regulation in order to bring some sanity in religious practices.
I agree that ordinarily regulating religious practices makes it a bit restrictive in terms of freedom of worship as enshrined in our constitution but given the way things are going, a bit of regulation will not be out of place.
Disgusting stuff are being attributed to some men of God. There are cases of manipulation of young ladies and sometimes married women by so called men of God and it is bringing Christianity and therefore the name of the Lord into disrepute.
Christianity is gradually losing its attractiveness as a result of the negative reportage resulting from disgusting stuff happening in Christian circles. The way some pastors have been manipulating congregants to take money from them leaves much to be desired to the point where they are convincing some of the youth to give out their phones. May God help us.
By Laud Kissi-Mensah