Relationship

Is cohabitation good for future marriage?

Couples living together, cohabiting or coexisting, and sharing sexual intimacy before marriage, is said to increase or encourage divorce.

This has been confirmed by Ambert (2009) who explained that cohabited couples are less committed and can easily decide to go or come out of a relationship as compared to married couples who are much committed.

Moreover, multiple cohabitations (with different partners in previous relationships) before marriage increase the risk of divorce.

The reason is that when such a couple is married, they are more likely to opt for divorce easily since they have previous records of often ending cohabited relationships before they finally married the one they are with.

Rodrigues, Hall and Fincham (2006) revealed in their findings that men and women who cohabit their future spouses before marriage have a higher likelihood of divorce as compared to their counterparts who do not.

On the extreme end, a research study has shown that cohabitation which involved only one partner stands a lower risk of divorce after marriage than cohabitation which involved series of partners.

Nevertheless, the divorce risk for one partner cohabitation is still higher than a couple who did not cohabit at all.

What does all this mean to you? Are you and your partner cohabiting before your marriage?

These research findings confirm that not only is the Christian teaching against cohabitation a spiritual reason; but in addition, it is a well-documented research fact attesting to the infallibility of the Holy Scriptures.

They confirm that the Bible is true in all its foundational teachings.

Thankfully, as Christian partners who are governed by the authority of the Holy Scriptures, I am sure you have been taught in one way or the other to stay away from cohabiting since it is not a godly or holy way of living in the sight of the Almighty God. The Church’s teaching on cohabitation is not an ‘arbitrary’ rule.

Living together before marriage is a sin; because it violates God’s commandments and the law of the Church.

As earlier stated, by the word ‘cohabitation’, we mean the practice of a man and a woman living together, and sharing sexual intimacy, without being married. The only sexual relations that are approved by God are inside the covenant of marriage.

Cohabitation is not a modern trend; it dates back through most of history. In the Roman city of Corinth, sex outside of marriage was common, so much so that the converts to Christianity had written to the Apostle Paul about the problem. His reply was:

“Now concerning the matters about which you wrote:

“It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.” (1 Cor. 7:1 3, ESV)

Paul gave this instruction because he understood that God’s purpose for sex was inside the commitment of marriage. Sex outside the marriage relationship is called ‘sexual immorality’.

Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV.

COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist).

Author, Psychotherapist, Psychologist, Marriage Therapist & Reverend Minister

Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC)

Relationship

Tips to creating a healthy habit

Make a plan

When you commit to taking up a new habit, it is essential to have a clear plan of action before you begin. Start with a long-term goal and keep it S.M.A.R.T: S- Specific M- Measurable A- Achievable R-Relevant and T- Timely

Habit Stacking

Habit Stacking is exactly what it sounds like: putting two or more habits together. We recommend choosing times of the day when routines are strongest. For most people, this is usually the morning or before bed. We know day-to-day life can get a little crazy, but there are certain times when patterns are created, making them the perfect place for a positive change.

The best way to form a new habit is to tie it in with an existing one.

Baby steps

Many experts agree that significant changes require high motivation levels, which can be hard to sustain. Instead, you should start with a slight change that will eventually lead to something bigger.

You can transition to something bigger once you have successfully implemented daily habits for a designated amount of time.

Consistency

Consistency is key. To make something a habit, you need to do it every day. We have all heard the magic ‘21 day’ fix, but the fact of the matter is, it’s not one size fits all.

Celebrate success

Perhaps the most important part of habit-making is rewarding yourself. We know habits take time, but in order to not give up, you need to celebrate every win.

Find the thing you love and allow yourself to experience it once you’ve hit a milestone on your habit-forming journey. Sometimes, the results of habits are not immediately apparent. Do not give up!

Relationship

How to deal with anxiety and uncertainty in relationships

Whether you have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder or are simply going through a stressful period, everyone needs a little motivation every now and then, particularly in relationships.

These are three coping skills and strategies that can help you defeat anxiety in your relationship.

Deep Breathing

Deep breathing is a simple technique that is excellent for managing emotions. Not only is deep breathing effective, it is also discreet and easy to use at any time or place.

Sit comfortably and place one hand on your abdomen. Breathe in through your nose, deeply enough that the hand on your abdomen rises. Hold the air in your lungs, and then exhale slowly through your mouth, with your lips puckered as if you are blowing through a straw. The secret is to go slow: Time the inhalation (4’s), pause (4’s), and exhalation (6’s). Practice for 3 to 5 minutes.

Examine Your Thoughts

For instance, the thoughts that “something bad will happen” or “I will make a mistake” might lack evidence, but still have an impact on how you feel.

By examining the evidence and challenging these thoughts, you can reduce anxiety.

Put thoughts on trial. Choose a thought that has contributed to your relationship anxiety. Gather evidence in support of your thought (verifiable facts only), and against your thought. Compare the evidence and determine whether your thought is accurate or not.

Ask yourself:

“Is my thought based on facts or feelings?”

“How would my partner or best friend see this situation?”

“How likely is it that my fear will come true?”

“What’s most likely to happen?”

“If my fear comes true, will it still matter in a week? A month? A year?”

Imagery (Positive Imagination)

Your thoughts have the power to change how you feel. If you think of something sad, it is likely you will start to feel sad. The opposite is also true: When you think of something positive and calming, you feel relaxed. The imagery technique harnesses this power to reduce anxiety.

Think of a place that you find comforting. It could be a secluded beach, your bedroom, a quiet mountaintop, your prayer closet, or even a loud gospel concert. For 5 to 10 minutes, use all your senses to imagine this setting in great detail. Do not think fleetingly about this place; really imagine it.

(PHILIPPIANS 4:6-7)

“6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

#QUOTE OF THE WEEK

Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.

—Charles Spurgeon

To be continued …

Source: Excerpts from “HOW TO MAKE THE BEST OF YOUR COURTSHIP: Building a Strong Foundation for Your Marriage” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, Author, and Marriage Therapist).

COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)