Relationship
My friend ‘Jesse Crow’
Friendship is something that God has established as part of human existence.
We sometimes do not choose our friends but it happens accidentally. Some friendships begin on a bus, a train, a plane, in school among others.A cousin of mine got a friend who became a link to a better life on a plane to Libya in 1989.
My friendship with Ofosu Appiah aka. Jesse Crow, however happened on SUTESCO Campus at Suhum, in the Eastern region. SUTESCO as I knew it back then in the mid-1980s, could be considered as the repository of Ghana’s independence. Once you gain admission into Form 1, you are sure to complete Form 5 barring death or illness. It is an atmosphere of freedom where you can choose to study deep into the night in the classroom without hindrance.
Therefore those who were serious with their books usually passed well in the General Certificate Examination for both the Ordinary and Advanced levels. Those who chose to just pass through the school without bordering about their grades and final examinations as you can imagine, also flopped badly.
It was a land of the extremes. The reason for talking about my friend Jesse Crow is the motivation of ‘heaven’ his memory gives me any time his name comes to mind.
His memory motivates me to be a better Christian and strive to abide in the grace of God so I could make it to heaven one day.
Motivation is a very important positive force which drives people to achieve a lot of things in their lives. Things that motivate people vary from money, love, happiness among others.
Some people have become regular members of a particular church now because they were first attracted by their songs, or the neatness of their washrooms or the friendliness of the ushers.
Motivation can also be the fear of a negative consequence like being a law abiding citizen for fear of being in prison. The funny way memory of Jesse Crow motivates me is the fact that, having led a church boy’s life, it would be a travesty of justice if I do not walk in obedience to God’s word as a Christian and end up in hell and Jesse Crow ends up in heaven, in the hereafter.
This is because of the things Jesse Crow had been involved in before he became converted and if the bad things I had done were to be compared to that of my friend Jesse Crow, I would be considered an Angel. Jesse Crow’s conversion was one of the greatest miracles of God on SUTESCO Campus between 1984 1nd 1985.
I recall the shock on the face of our then House Master, Mr. Amo when he realised that Jesse Crow was converted.
He was so excited that he promised his full support for the Scripture Union group in the school. A funny story is told of a day when his father came to the school to pay him a visit and for quite a while he could not find his son Ofosu Appiah.
Apart from his classmates, who knew his real name, most students only knew him as Jesse Crow, so there was Daddy looking for his son Ofosu Appiah who nobody knew until a classmate came along and the chap asked him if he knew one Ofosu Appiah and he said “Oh, it’s Jesse Crow”.
His father was surprised that his son’s name has changed from Ofosu Appiah to something else. That is what a school environment can do to young people who come from areas like Tema and Accra.
I am looking forward to the day that I would see him face-to-face and shout out his name “Jesse Crow” and the expected response “O rai, Body” i.e. Albright Buddy in that deep voice of His. That day would be a joyous moment. The last time I heard of him was when I was told that he had become a drummer in one of the Charismatic churches in Tema. Again I later heard that he had travelled to Canada. It is my prayer that both of us will continue to abide in the grace of God so we shall end up in heaven one day.
Relationship
Tips for a stress free family Christmas
Many people find Christmas a stressful time and this is often to do with expectations. We all worry about getting the right gifts for people, preparing the perfect Christmas dinner, getting the house ready and spending concentrated time with extended family.
To help you have a fun Christmas rather than a frazzled one here are some tips for keeping the pressure off.
1. State expectations
Make sure that you have conversations with your family and friends about everyone’s expectations of Christmas well in advance. That way you can deal with any difficult demands and make compromises that suit everyone.
If you are worried about the cost of Christmas, you could also set some spending limits for gifts or come up with ideas for presents that don’t need to be bought; for example washing the car or making someone breakfast in bed.
2. Remember it’s OK to say no
As well as talking to your family about what they want to happen at Christmas be honest about what you want to do too.
If you want to turn something down, explain why you do not want to do it, and have a suggestion ready for an alternative.
For example instead of taking on all the cooking you could suggest a ‘bring and share’ meal so that everyone takes a share of the work.
3. Practical prep
If you are hosting Christmas, it is always a good idea to do some prep beforehand – simple things like making (or buying!) the food early or wrapping presents the weekend before can really help.
Make a list of tasks that need to be done in the run up to Christmas and ask your family and friends to each put their name to something. You can stick this up at home and even get the kids to decorate it with Christmas pictures or stickers.
4. Delegate, delegate, delegate
Do not be afraid to ask your guests for help. We can all fall into the trap of wanting to be the perfect host, but in reality, hosting Christmas Day can be very demanding. Asking people to help can make everyone feel involved. Children really like to feel helpful, so get them involved with handing round snacks or setting the table.
5. Avoid conflict
If you are worried your guests might not get on, go for a walk in the afternoon to break things up a little. This gives everyone the chance to chat to someone different, or even to stay at home if tension is building.
Equally, you can always ask a guest to make drinks, or help out with the kids in order to break up any potential conflict.
6. It is your Christmas too
Christmas Day can whizz by in a festive blur without you so much has sniffing a glass of fizz or pulling a cracker because you’re frantically trying to make everything perfect for everyone else.
Remember that it is your Christmas too and you should be able to enjoy it. Make a timetable for the day so that there are regular times when you can sit down and talk with everyone or play with the children.
Relationship
Social and economic implications of divorce
Social Implications
divorce has social consequences that extend beyond the couple to affect families, communities, and society. The failure of a marriage often leads to a ripple effect that transforms social relationships and societal dynamics (Amato, 2010).
a. Impact on family dynamics
Marital dissolution reshapes family roles and responsibilities, often resulting in conflicts among family members. Studies indicate that children often feel torn between parents, leading to strained parent-child relationships (Lansford, 2009). In Ghana, studies have shown that children in divorced families are more prone to behavioural issues, often feeling unsupported and confused (Abane, 2011). Additionally, research suggests that parental divorce can lead to long-term emotional instability in children—affecting their ability to form secure attachments and causing relational difficulties that may last well into adulthood (Fagan & Churchill, 2012).
b. Community disruption
When marriages break down, communities experience a weakening of social ties. People who are divorced and their children may feel alienated or stigmatised, and thereby become more withdrawn. In the USA, a report by the Institute for Family Studies (Wilcox et al. [2020]) reveals that community-level marriage dissolution correlates with lower community engagement and weaker social bonds. This can contribute to a reduction in collective cohesion, support networks, and social integration—affecting the quality of community life and overall societal well-being (Harkonen, 2014).
c. Children’s social development
Children of divorced parents commonly struggle with issues such as insecurity, trust, and difficulty building relationships. According to a study conducted in the UK, children belonging to divorcees are 33 per cent more likely to experience anxiety and social withdrawal than those in stable two-parent families (Office for National Statistics, 2021). Similarly, Nigerian studies show that children from divorced families mostly struggle with peer relationships, academic performance, and self-esteem (Olowodunoye & Ogungbamila, 2013). These social challenges can have lasting impacts, including increased risks of academic and occupational hurdles in adulthood.
Economic Implications
The economic costs of divorce are both immediate and long-term. They impact individuals and families, and on a larger scale, can influence the economic health of entire societies (Wagner & Weiss, 2006).
a. Financial strain
People’s financial stability can suffer greatly due to divorce. One or both spouses may struggle to cover basic expenses and maintain their pre-divorce lifestyle. Studies from the USA show that, on average, divorce can shrink household income by 15-40 per cent due to legal fees, asset division, and shifts in living arrangements (Amato, 2014). In Ghana, research suggests that divorced women, in particular, face financial hardship, with many relying on extended family support (Osei-Hwedie & Mwansa, 2007). Moreover, divorce in Nigeria substantially changes financial security, especially for women who lack legal protection for property or financial rights (Isiugo-Abanihe, 2005).
b. Impact on career and productivity
Marriage dissolution can alter work productivity and career growth. A study conducted by the United Kingdom’s Marriage Foundation (2019) revealed that individuals undergoing divorce tend to encounter a temporary drop in work performance, with a reported 20 per cent increase in sick days among recently divorced employees. Career disruption not only influences personal financial stability but can also minimise overall workforce efficiency, with consequences for national economic output (Vignoli et al., 2018).
c. Economic burden on society
The economic consequence of divorce extends beyond the individuals involved, placing a financial strain on public resources. A report from the Institute of Economic Affairs (2016) found that family breakdown costs the UK economy approximately £48 billion annually in welfare and support programmes, with similar patterns observed in the USA (Thomas & Sawhill, 2002). Divorce-related economic challenges normally require government intervention in the form of social welfare, housing assistance, and other public benefits, making family dysfunction an economic burden on society (Vignoli et al., 2018).
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist). https:// counselorprinceass.wixsite.com/ edu-counseling-psych
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website-psychologist
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website
COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
