Relationship
Secrets to creating meaningful relationships (final)
Relationships could either be a blessing or a lesson.
Suppose it works out, great. You’ve finally found the one! But if it doesn’t work out, it’s not the end of the world either. You can learn from it. Failed relationships often teach you lessons that you might never know otherwise. They teach you about your shortcomings and how things ought to be handled when emotions are involved. A passing relationship, or a longer one; there’s always something to gain from them.
A few real friends over many fake ones
You don’t need a lot of people in your life to make it seem fulfilling. A few good, deep connections are all you need—a few people who you can trust and be yourself around.
Learn the difference between love and lust
˜Lust is when you love only what you see. Love is when you lust what’s inside.’ If they desire you more than they desire being with you, it’s not going to last. It’s superficial and would burn out sooner than you think. Find something meaningful, something more than just skin deep.
Don’t fear being judged.
If you think you’re weird, don’t suppress it. Acknowledge and flaunt it. Who wants to blend in any way! Be yourself because you can’t please everyone. And no matter what you do, someone somewhere will always find fault in your tracks. So if you get to choose only one person you can please, that person should undoubtedly be you. If people can accept you for who you are, keep them. If they can’t, you were doing pretty well without them anyway.
Be a better person than you were yesterday.
Do you want to find good, genuine people? Become one, and you’d cross paths with similar people. Become the person you’d like to be around. You can’t change people, and you shouldn’t. You only have control over yourself, and you can choose to be whoever you want to be, choose wisely!
Don’t allow negativity to creep into your relationship
Put so much positivity into your relationship that there is no room for negativity. Love with all your heart. Be good, have good. Treat your partner with love, respect, and kindness, and you’ll never worry about anything going wrong.
Other people are a reflection of you.
If you’re critical of everyone else, you’re probably essential of yourself as well. But if you appreciate your strengths, you’ll find yourself looking for the same in other people. Choosing how you see yourself determines how you see other people.
Don’t try to change people.
You’re never comfortable around someone you can’t be yourself with; the same is true for other people. Stop suffocating them and don’t lead them into believing that they’re not good enough. Appreciate their qualities, and overlook their shortcomings. Love them for who they, indeed, are.
Let go of the pain
If you hold on to pain and hurt, you can’t move on and find what is truly meant for you. They’re the very things holding you back. Even if you’ve been hurt, you still can find the love you deserve. But unless you’re willing to give it a chance to see you, it never will.
People make mistakes
You aren’t perfect, and neither is any other person alive. Accept them the way they are, to be accepted. Forgive their mistakes, to be forgiven when you do something wrong. After all, the mistakes you make teach you the lessons you need to learn. Stop giving people a hard time, and learn to forgive them.
Source: www.dreamyhub.com
Relationship
The role of employment status, wealth, geographical location in divorce
Several research findings have identified factors likely to account for divorce. These factors include (but are not limited to):
1. Employment Status and Income Levels of Individuals
Several research on the employment status of married individuals have identified how it influences marital stability. If the husband is employed, the likelihood of the marriage ending in divorce is low.
The is because, as the head, he would be in a better position to provide for the family’s needs, strengthening the family and increasing their standard of living (Lee, unpublished).
On the contrary, women who are employed are at risk of having a higher divorce rate, particularly when they find themselves in unhappy marriages.
This is because they can afford to be independent and cater for their children (Becker, Landes & Michael, 1977; Oppenheimer, 1997; Sayer & Bianchi, 2000). Moore’s (1994) argument also supports the fact that women’s divorce risks increase as they find themselves in highly time-demanding occupations outside the home. This is because they might be unable to devote ample time to their spouses and children.
Despite these findings, I know of a good number of women who are doing their best to maintain some balance between their married life and their work. I highly commend such women for their extra efforts on behalf of their families.
2. Wealth
Research shows that the individuals’ wealth status could either increase or decrease the probability of divorce. Some scholars (Kurderk, 1993 and Rootalu, 2010) indicated that when individuals are more affluent and wealthy, marriage stability is compromised because couples could easily afford the costs involved in the divorce process.
Others also suggest that individuals who are not wealthy (especially women) are at lower risk of divorce than more prosperous women (Ambert, 2002).
3. Geographical Location or Type of Residential Place
Geographic location and its characteristics could impact your marriage’s stability. Several studies on the location of residence have shown that married couples who live in urban communities are more likely to experience divorce than their rural counterparts (Adegoke, 2010; Adedokun, 1998).
According to Takyi (2001) and Moore (1994), urbanisation undermines African marriages.
Characteristics dominant in urban communities, such as the preference for conjugal union over the extended family and the increasing number of women in restrictive and time-consuming employment setups, have been argued to weaken the foundation of families and marriages.
This is because the conjugal family type does not allow for the involvement of other extended family members except for the immediate family (nuclear family). The immediate family is mainly made up of the married couple and their children; hence, there is less opportunity for the involvement of other members of the other family.
Indeed, it matters a lot how much your in-laws are involved in your marriage (in a healthy way, without much interference).
Modernisation in Africa is destroying the benefits that could have been derived from couples’ healthy relationships with the extended family.
Oppong (1992) supported this argument that African modernisation has led to the type of urbanisation, encouraging wide separation from extended families. Unfortunately, urbanisation supports an individualistic living arrangement (devoid of considerations for other families).
It is not surprising that a good number of researchers confirm that urban divorce rates exceed rural areas’ rates.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “PREPARING FOR A HAPPY AND FULFILLING MARRIAGE: Everything You Need to Know Before You Say ‘I Do’” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist). ORDER BOOK NOW: https://selar.co/preparing-for-a-happy-and-fulfilling-marriage
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website-psychologist
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COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
Relationship
When the tides change (Pt. 2)
Psst! Psst! Lean in closer… closer! Now listen, silence is golden, or so they say.
But when the Tale Bearer arrives with news from yonder, that golden silence suddenly turns into a shiny distraction you cannot ignore. So here I am, bearing tales from the gods, hot, fresh and ready for your ears!
Have you heard? Wonder Boy’s new status has him soaking wet like a sponge at a waterpark. And, oh boy, is he loving it! Ehem! Now, he is serenading us with a tune that has gotten us laughing and jeering mockingly ‘Johnny Just Come’, Johnny just come. Hehehe!
Who knew the rulers of the mighty kingdom of Umofia are living it up like royalty, while the rest of us are out here playing catch-up with life? Ah, life, the greatest comedian, always leaving us laughing, but with tears in our eyes.
Come to think of it, Umofians, the gods are clearly watching over us and this is their way of saying ‘wake up, Umofians! ‘He who does not see the clouds cannot predict the rain’. Well the clouds are gathering, pay ye heed.
Now, tell me, if our rulers have managed to build themselves a palace in the sky, should we, the children of Umofia, not ask for our fair share of the clouds? Should we not demand our own seat among the stars? Who knows, perhaps soon we shall all be sipping palm wine under the shade, enjoying the breeze together as equals.
Honourable Wonder Boy, if you think you are too small to make a difference, try spending the night with a mosquito. We the Umofians gave you a seat at the table of the rulers to speak on our behalf because we believe in you.
A word to the wise is enough, now show us you are not just another ‘Johnny Just Come, but the one who can stir the pot and serve justice hot! This is your moment, do not let it pass you by!
Tell your people that Umofians gave them the power, they should remember; power is like salt—use it too much, and it will spoil the whole food. Tell them oo, the people can snatch the power back quicker than a hare can outrun a tortoise.
Ah well! My elders always say, “Home affairs are best kept behind closed doors, not shouted from the public square.” So, I shall take my leave now before I turn into the village crier.
Until next time, keep your ears open.
With Eyram, the Tale bearer.
