Relationship
Some helpful New Year’s resolutions for couples (final)
Endeavour to achieve your resolutions copy
[Continued from last week]
Look for solutions to arguments.
Do your arguments get heated? One of the ways that couples may exacerbate their disagreements is by bringing other topics into the conversation. Stay on point. Rather than allowing a small issue to blow up, look for a solution that works for both of you.
I often see couples argue the same points, It’s worth seeing if you are missing important issues. For instance, one friend’s partner is upset about coming to a messy home while the friend feels that he is being fussy. What she is missing is that they probably have different values. When she dismisses this value, he feels disrespected. The solution may be to work out a way the housework is easier for both of them.
Share your triumphs with them.
Picture the scene: Your manager calls you into their office and offers you a promotion. It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for all year. You’re over the moon. Once you leave their office, who is the first person you text? It might be your parents or even your best friend. If you’re leaving your partner out of the loop, though, that could be a problem.
We can take our partners for granted or not share important information with them. If we don’t prioritise our partner, this will be destructive to the connection. It can leave it open for them to meet someone who is more interested in them.
Plan a vacation together.
When was the last time you and your partner got away from the hum-drum of everyday life? If you can’t recall your last break, call up the travel agents. Taking weekends away or breaks can help couples begin to love, laugh, and have sex again.
Of course, this needs to be done in a way that works for you. You could even take a break in your own home and plan walks, time in bed, a massage while turning off your phones. The message to your partner is clear: you are important to me. I know marriages that have become revitalised by weekends away.”
Find some mutual friends.
Date nights are all well and good, but sometimes you might prefer hanging out in a group setting. That’s where mutual friends slide neatly into your social life. Believe it or not, having a bunch of people who know you as a couple could strengthen your connection.
Couples can suffer from shame especially if there are any difficulties with family acceptance or feelings about not being good enough. But mutual friends can promote the best in you both. You have a certain energy as a couple and it can be healing to have that love appreciated and recognised.
Show some gratitude to each other.
Taking your partner for granted? If you’ve been together for a long time, you may forget to show how much you appreciate your other half. The daily grind, worries, and your hectic social life can all get in the way of letting your partner know that you value them.
You can start small. Even one specific appreciation expressed daily can change the atmosphere of your connection. Sure, you might not believe every word you’re saying at first, but give it time. “Try it out. Of course, this works better if you truly mean it but it’s always good to start the practice anyway.”
Let go of old grudges.
Out with the old, in with the new—that should be your mantra this year. If you’re holding on to grudges from previous years, do both yourself and your partner a favour. Figure out how you can let them go. Moving on isn’t always straightforward but it’s sure to enhance your bond.
Resentment pollutes the atmosphere between people. We often can’t simply forgive and may need to be heard by the other. Find a way of releasing past pain. You can start by getting in touch with your feelings and writing about them, seeing a counsellor, or expressing them to someone you trust.
Source: “http://www.brides.com”
Relationship
Tips for a stress free family Christmas
Many people find Christmas a stressful time and this is often to do with expectations. We all worry about getting the right gifts for people, preparing the perfect Christmas dinner, getting the house ready and spending concentrated time with extended family.
To help you have a fun Christmas rather than a frazzled one here are some tips for keeping the pressure off.
1. State expectations
Make sure that you have conversations with your family and friends about everyone’s expectations of Christmas well in advance. That way you can deal with any difficult demands and make compromises that suit everyone.
If you are worried about the cost of Christmas, you could also set some spending limits for gifts or come up with ideas for presents that don’t need to be bought; for example washing the car or making someone breakfast in bed.
2. Remember it’s OK to say no
As well as talking to your family about what they want to happen at Christmas be honest about what you want to do too.
If you want to turn something down, explain why you do not want to do it, and have a suggestion ready for an alternative.
For example instead of taking on all the cooking you could suggest a ‘bring and share’ meal so that everyone takes a share of the work.
3. Practical prep
If you are hosting Christmas, it is always a good idea to do some prep beforehand – simple things like making (or buying!) the food early or wrapping presents the weekend before can really help.
Make a list of tasks that need to be done in the run up to Christmas and ask your family and friends to each put their name to something. You can stick this up at home and even get the kids to decorate it with Christmas pictures or stickers.
4. Delegate, delegate, delegate
Do not be afraid to ask your guests for help. We can all fall into the trap of wanting to be the perfect host, but in reality, hosting Christmas Day can be very demanding. Asking people to help can make everyone feel involved. Children really like to feel helpful, so get them involved with handing round snacks or setting the table.
5. Avoid conflict
If you are worried your guests might not get on, go for a walk in the afternoon to break things up a little. This gives everyone the chance to chat to someone different, or even to stay at home if tension is building.
Equally, you can always ask a guest to make drinks, or help out with the kids in order to break up any potential conflict.
6. It is your Christmas too
Christmas Day can whizz by in a festive blur without you so much has sniffing a glass of fizz or pulling a cracker because you’re frantically trying to make everything perfect for everyone else.
Remember that it is your Christmas too and you should be able to enjoy it. Make a timetable for the day so that there are regular times when you can sit down and talk with everyone or play with the children.
Relationship
Social and economic implications of divorce
Social Implications
divorce has social consequences that extend beyond the couple to affect families, communities, and society. The failure of a marriage often leads to a ripple effect that transforms social relationships and societal dynamics (Amato, 2010).
a. Impact on family dynamics
Marital dissolution reshapes family roles and responsibilities, often resulting in conflicts among family members. Studies indicate that children often feel torn between parents, leading to strained parent-child relationships (Lansford, 2009). In Ghana, studies have shown that children in divorced families are more prone to behavioural issues, often feeling unsupported and confused (Abane, 2011). Additionally, research suggests that parental divorce can lead to long-term emotional instability in children—affecting their ability to form secure attachments and causing relational difficulties that may last well into adulthood (Fagan & Churchill, 2012).
b. Community disruption
When marriages break down, communities experience a weakening of social ties. People who are divorced and their children may feel alienated or stigmatised, and thereby become more withdrawn. In the USA, a report by the Institute for Family Studies (Wilcox et al. [2020]) reveals that community-level marriage dissolution correlates with lower community engagement and weaker social bonds. This can contribute to a reduction in collective cohesion, support networks, and social integration—affecting the quality of community life and overall societal well-being (Harkonen, 2014).
c. Children’s social development
Children of divorced parents commonly struggle with issues such as insecurity, trust, and difficulty building relationships. According to a study conducted in the UK, children belonging to divorcees are 33 per cent more likely to experience anxiety and social withdrawal than those in stable two-parent families (Office for National Statistics, 2021). Similarly, Nigerian studies show that children from divorced families mostly struggle with peer relationships, academic performance, and self-esteem (Olowodunoye & Ogungbamila, 2013). These social challenges can have lasting impacts, including increased risks of academic and occupational hurdles in adulthood.
Economic Implications
The economic costs of divorce are both immediate and long-term. They impact individuals and families, and on a larger scale, can influence the economic health of entire societies (Wagner & Weiss, 2006).
a. Financial strain
People’s financial stability can suffer greatly due to divorce. One or both spouses may struggle to cover basic expenses and maintain their pre-divorce lifestyle. Studies from the USA show that, on average, divorce can shrink household income by 15-40 per cent due to legal fees, asset division, and shifts in living arrangements (Amato, 2014). In Ghana, research suggests that divorced women, in particular, face financial hardship, with many relying on extended family support (Osei-Hwedie & Mwansa, 2007). Moreover, divorce in Nigeria substantially changes financial security, especially for women who lack legal protection for property or financial rights (Isiugo-Abanihe, 2005).
b. Impact on career and productivity
Marriage dissolution can alter work productivity and career growth. A study conducted by the United Kingdom’s Marriage Foundation (2019) revealed that individuals undergoing divorce tend to encounter a temporary drop in work performance, with a reported 20 per cent increase in sick days among recently divorced employees. Career disruption not only influences personal financial stability but can also minimise overall workforce efficiency, with consequences for national economic output (Vignoli et al., 2018).
c. Economic burden on society
The economic consequence of divorce extends beyond the individuals involved, placing a financial strain on public resources. A report from the Institute of Economic Affairs (2016) found that family breakdown costs the UK economy approximately £48 billion annually in welfare and support programmes, with similar patterns observed in the USA (Thomas & Sawhill, 2002). Divorce-related economic challenges normally require government intervention in the form of social welfare, housing assistance, and other public benefits, making family dysfunction an economic burden on society (Vignoli et al., 2018).
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist). https:// counselorprinceass.wixsite.com/ edu-counseling-psych
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website-psychologist
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website
COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
