Relationship
Toxic behaviours that push people away from you
Mood swings aren’t limited to hormonal women alone. Everyone experiences them now and then. How often have you heard someone apologise for their inappropriate behaviour, using the I was in a mood’ line? Often enough right. Life is tough, not just for you, but for every single person. Maybe not in the same way it is difficult for you. Things don’t always work out the way you want them to. And some people put you in a mood by simply existing. But, if you allow all this negativity to engulf you and to profess in your behaviour, you’re not only harming yourself but everyone around you as well. Toxic behaviours will push people away. You yourself avoid toxic people, don’t you?
Being jealous of practically everyone!
Firstly, you should be grateful for all the good things in your life. That way you’ll never feel the need to compare your life with anyone else’s. Secondly, there shouldn’t be any need for comparison. Consider your family, let alone anyone else. Isn’t your life different than your siblings? It definitely is. Because you all want different things from life, your journeys are entirely different, and even though you’re related, every one of you has a distinct personality. There is no ground for comparison. Thirdly, even if there is something someone has that you want, instead of turning green with envy, focus on working for it. You’re only using your time in a better way and as a result, you’d get what you want.
Thinking every word and action is about you
The way people treat you is a statement about who they are as a human. It is not a statement about you
So even if someone is being rude, or at their worst around you, it doesn’t necessarily have to mean that you’re the reason behind it. Sure if you’ve done them wrong, that kind of behaviour is expected. But don’t make everything about yourself. They might just be acting out because they’re having a bad day. It doesn’t have to do anything with you. You’re not the reason behind it. So don’t be offended by every little thing people say or do. Don’t take people’s negativity personally. You should know yourself better than anyone else. Therefore, when people are making baseless remarks about you, just ignore them. However, be sure to take note of positive criticism. It’s for your own good.
Constantly complaining about not having any power over your own life
Life isn’t all that fair at times. Everyone learns that sooner or later. But complaining about it doesn’t help in any way. It doesn’t allow you to move forward and simply annoys the people around you. There is always a tiny window of opportunity even in the most disastrous of situations. And you’d be able to find it, only if you stop whining so much and start focusing on damage control. Setbacks are inevitable, but allowing them to hold you back, is entirely up to you. You might not have control over everything, but some things are in your control. Like making the right choices for yourself. Acknowledge and embrace that.
Holding on to things
What doesn’t kill you would only make you stronger if you allow it to. Holding on to pain, heartbreak and loss is just excess baggage you’re carrying around. It’s weighing you down. It’s keeping you from moving forward and growing. Try transforming all of that into strength. All the things you’ve been through should only make you fearless. Learn to let go of everything that is holding you back. Design room for new emotions and experiences. Leave the past where it belongs.
Relationship
What you should expect to learn in pre-marital counselling
- Pre-marital counselling involves couples coming together for joint therapy sessions
Many times, pre-marital counselling involves couples or partners coming together for joint therapy sessions. Working with a qualified marriage counsellor or therapist, you will learn skills to help improve your relationship as a couple.
At the same time, it is not all pre-marital counselling that leads to marriage. It is possible that certain discoveries (and major red flags) could emerge during the counselling sessions, and for that reason one of you may want to discontinue the marriage process so as to avoid any future regrets.
From my experience and professional practice, I would say that no matter how painful it is to break up a relationship prior to marriage; it is still far better to do that than to break up your marriage relationship.
The marriage breakup has more serious implications than any pain that could emerge from relationship break up.
In some instances, the specific topics to be explored and skills to be developed in your pre-marital counselling sessions will depend on your needs as a couple.
Despite this, I would give you all the topics and skills to expect your counsellor to take you through in order to have a happy and lasting relationship.
Even if you are not considering pre-marital counselling at the moment, you can still benefit from these skills and topics. They are also an excellent way to create depth in your conversations and build a solid healthy foundation in the early stages of your relationship.
Not in any specific order, I would like you to take note of these important skills and lessons you will learn in your sessions: 1 understanding the concept of marriage, 2 building a strong foundation for your marriage, 3 examining your expectations leading to your marriage, 4 undergoing medical tests and sometimes mental health assessment, 5 resolving conflicts together, 6 communicating openly and effectively, 7 taking decisions as a couple, 8. building a strong Christian home (if you’re Christians), 9 building transparency and trust, 10 knowing yourselves: your strengths and weaknesses—and how to improve them, 11 building commitment towards the marriage and each other, 12 accepting your unique roles and responsibilities in your marriage, 13 planning your future together, 14 sexual intimacy in marriage, 15 bearing and raising children, 16 understanding the concept of love, 17 the role of love languages in experiencing marital happiness, 18 managing your home finances, 19 defining your beliefs and values, 20 adjustments in marriage, 21 balancing love, work, and family life, 22 relating with your in-laws and third parties, 23 creating your unique marriage and family rituals, 24 engaging married couples to learn from them, 25 understanding divorce and what causes it, 26 Christian view on divorce, 27 preparing for your marriage ceremony, 28 planning for your honeymoon and how to maximise it, and finally, 29 making your first year of marriage count.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist). https://counselorprinceass.wixsite.com/edu-counseling-psych
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website-psychologist
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website
COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
Relationship
Tips for creating healthy working relationships
We spend around a third of our lives at work. Our jobs and careers make a real impact on our overall levels of happiness. Having good work relationships will always make our jobs more enjoyable
Also, when we have great workplace relationships we will demonstrate cooperation, trust and fairness, activating the reward centre of our brains which encourages even more positive interactions.
Here are some tips to create healthy relationships at the workplace.
1. Focus on self-awareness
This means taking full responsibility for your words and actions, not letting your own negative emotions impact the people around us.
If you feel frustration or resentment towards others this will manifest in what you observe and the way you engage.
By developing your own Emotional Intelligence, you will become more adept at identifying and handling your emotions be able to recognise the needs of others.
Again, if you view colleagues with compassion and respect, you will improve your interactions and build strong working relationships.
What would happen if you stopped making judgments and embraced a positive appraisal of your co-workers? If we saw difference as something valuable that could be harnessed and actually enhance your perception and understanding of those around you? Your vibe will always attract your tribe.
2. Be open and honest
A good relationships depend on open, honest communication. Whether you are sending emails or meeting face-to-face or on video calls, the more effectively you communicate with those around you, the better you will connect. It is important to identify the nature of your relationships with others.
What is it that we need and what do our colleagues need from us? Once you know the fundamentals of what you need you can be clear with communicating and better understanding each other’s requirements.
3. Practice active listening
Good people skills are essential. How good are you at collaborating, communicating and managing challenge? People respond better to those who truly listen to what they have to say. By practicing active listening, you will talk less and understand colleagues more and you will quickly become trustworthy and have more successful interactions.
One key skill you can forget when listening is the power of a good question. Active listening is engaging in what you hear, asking questions such as ‘What would you like to happen?’ How can I help you address that? Shows you listen and you care.
4. Avoid bad people skills
Good people skills mean avoiding the bad people skills. Gossip and negativity can ruin any workplace relationships. If you are experiencing challenge with someone in your group, talk to them directly and kindly about the problem, be prepared to listen attentively and objectively.
Gossiping or colluding with other colleagues will only aggravate the issues, accelerating mistrust and animosity.
5. Give praise and feedback
Everyone wants to feel that their work is appreciated and to feel truly valued. Genuinely complimenting the work and actions of those around you is a great way to build relationships.
Be honest, precise and authentic when delivering praise. Thank you or a gentle word of encouragement can make all the difference to someone’s day. These positive interactions can have a ripple effect and create a much happier and more successful workplace
