Relationship
Toxic behaviours that push people away from you
Mood swings aren’t limited to hormonal women alone. Everyone experiences them now and then. How often have you heard someone apologise for their inappropriate behaviour, using the I was in a mood’ line? Often enough right. Life is tough, not just for you, but for every single person. Maybe not in the same way it is difficult for you. Things don’t always work out the way you want them to. And some people put you in a mood by simply existing. But, if you allow all this negativity to engulf you and to profess in your behaviour, you’re not only harming yourself but everyone around you as well. Toxic behaviours will push people away. You yourself avoid toxic people, don’t you?
Being jealous of practically everyone!
Firstly, you should be grateful for all the good things in your life. That way you’ll never feel the need to compare your life with anyone else’s. Secondly, there shouldn’t be any need for comparison. Consider your family, let alone anyone else. Isn’t your life different than your siblings? It definitely is. Because you all want different things from life, your journeys are entirely different, and even though you’re related, every one of you has a distinct personality. There is no ground for comparison. Thirdly, even if there is something someone has that you want, instead of turning green with envy, focus on working for it. You’re only using your time in a better way and as a result, you’d get what you want.
Thinking every word and action is about you
The way people treat you is a statement about who they are as a human. It is not a statement about you
So even if someone is being rude, or at their worst around you, it doesn’t necessarily have to mean that you’re the reason behind it. Sure if you’ve done them wrong, that kind of behaviour is expected. But don’t make everything about yourself. They might just be acting out because they’re having a bad day. It doesn’t have to do anything with you. You’re not the reason behind it. So don’t be offended by every little thing people say or do. Don’t take people’s negativity personally. You should know yourself better than anyone else. Therefore, when people are making baseless remarks about you, just ignore them. However, be sure to take note of positive criticism. It’s for your own good.
Constantly complaining about not having any power over your own life
Life isn’t all that fair at times. Everyone learns that sooner or later. But complaining about it doesn’t help in any way. It doesn’t allow you to move forward and simply annoys the people around you. There is always a tiny window of opportunity even in the most disastrous of situations. And you’d be able to find it, only if you stop whining so much and start focusing on damage control. Setbacks are inevitable, but allowing them to hold you back, is entirely up to you. You might not have control over everything, but some things are in your control. Like making the right choices for yourself. Acknowledge and embrace that.
Holding on to things
What doesn’t kill you would only make you stronger if you allow it to. Holding on to pain, heartbreak and loss is just excess baggage you’re carrying around. It’s weighing you down. It’s keeping you from moving forward and growing. Try transforming all of that into strength. All the things you’ve been through should only make you fearless. Learn to let go of everything that is holding you back. Design room for new emotions and experiences. Leave the past where it belongs.
Relationship
Tips for a stress free family Christmas
Many people find Christmas a stressful time and this is often to do with expectations. We all worry about getting the right gifts for people, preparing the perfect Christmas dinner, getting the house ready and spending concentrated time with extended family.
To help you have a fun Christmas rather than a frazzled one here are some tips for keeping the pressure off.
1. State expectations
Make sure that you have conversations with your family and friends about everyone’s expectations of Christmas well in advance. That way you can deal with any difficult demands and make compromises that suit everyone.
If you are worried about the cost of Christmas, you could also set some spending limits for gifts or come up with ideas for presents that don’t need to be bought; for example washing the car or making someone breakfast in bed.
2. Remember it’s OK to say no
As well as talking to your family about what they want to happen at Christmas be honest about what you want to do too.
If you want to turn something down, explain why you do not want to do it, and have a suggestion ready for an alternative.
For example instead of taking on all the cooking you could suggest a ‘bring and share’ meal so that everyone takes a share of the work.
3. Practical prep
If you are hosting Christmas, it is always a good idea to do some prep beforehand – simple things like making (or buying!) the food early or wrapping presents the weekend before can really help.
Make a list of tasks that need to be done in the run up to Christmas and ask your family and friends to each put their name to something. You can stick this up at home and even get the kids to decorate it with Christmas pictures or stickers.
4. Delegate, delegate, delegate
Do not be afraid to ask your guests for help. We can all fall into the trap of wanting to be the perfect host, but in reality, hosting Christmas Day can be very demanding. Asking people to help can make everyone feel involved. Children really like to feel helpful, so get them involved with handing round snacks or setting the table.
5. Avoid conflict
If you are worried your guests might not get on, go for a walk in the afternoon to break things up a little. This gives everyone the chance to chat to someone different, or even to stay at home if tension is building.
Equally, you can always ask a guest to make drinks, or help out with the kids in order to break up any potential conflict.
6. It is your Christmas too
Christmas Day can whizz by in a festive blur without you so much has sniffing a glass of fizz or pulling a cracker because you’re frantically trying to make everything perfect for everyone else.
Remember that it is your Christmas too and you should be able to enjoy it. Make a timetable for the day so that there are regular times when you can sit down and talk with everyone or play with the children.
Relationship
Social and economic implications of divorce
Social Implications
divorce has social consequences that extend beyond the couple to affect families, communities, and society. The failure of a marriage often leads to a ripple effect that transforms social relationships and societal dynamics (Amato, 2010).
a. Impact on family dynamics
Marital dissolution reshapes family roles and responsibilities, often resulting in conflicts among family members. Studies indicate that children often feel torn between parents, leading to strained parent-child relationships (Lansford, 2009). In Ghana, studies have shown that children in divorced families are more prone to behavioural issues, often feeling unsupported and confused (Abane, 2011). Additionally, research suggests that parental divorce can lead to long-term emotional instability in children—affecting their ability to form secure attachments and causing relational difficulties that may last well into adulthood (Fagan & Churchill, 2012).
b. Community disruption
When marriages break down, communities experience a weakening of social ties. People who are divorced and their children may feel alienated or stigmatised, and thereby become more withdrawn. In the USA, a report by the Institute for Family Studies (Wilcox et al. [2020]) reveals that community-level marriage dissolution correlates with lower community engagement and weaker social bonds. This can contribute to a reduction in collective cohesion, support networks, and social integration—affecting the quality of community life and overall societal well-being (Harkonen, 2014).
c. Children’s social development
Children of divorced parents commonly struggle with issues such as insecurity, trust, and difficulty building relationships. According to a study conducted in the UK, children belonging to divorcees are 33 per cent more likely to experience anxiety and social withdrawal than those in stable two-parent families (Office for National Statistics, 2021). Similarly, Nigerian studies show that children from divorced families mostly struggle with peer relationships, academic performance, and self-esteem (Olowodunoye & Ogungbamila, 2013). These social challenges can have lasting impacts, including increased risks of academic and occupational hurdles in adulthood.
Economic Implications
The economic costs of divorce are both immediate and long-term. They impact individuals and families, and on a larger scale, can influence the economic health of entire societies (Wagner & Weiss, 2006).
a. Financial strain
People’s financial stability can suffer greatly due to divorce. One or both spouses may struggle to cover basic expenses and maintain their pre-divorce lifestyle. Studies from the USA show that, on average, divorce can shrink household income by 15-40 per cent due to legal fees, asset division, and shifts in living arrangements (Amato, 2014). In Ghana, research suggests that divorced women, in particular, face financial hardship, with many relying on extended family support (Osei-Hwedie & Mwansa, 2007). Moreover, divorce in Nigeria substantially changes financial security, especially for women who lack legal protection for property or financial rights (Isiugo-Abanihe, 2005).
b. Impact on career and productivity
Marriage dissolution can alter work productivity and career growth. A study conducted by the United Kingdom’s Marriage Foundation (2019) revealed that individuals undergoing divorce tend to encounter a temporary drop in work performance, with a reported 20 per cent increase in sick days among recently divorced employees. Career disruption not only influences personal financial stability but can also minimise overall workforce efficiency, with consequences for national economic output (Vignoli et al., 2018).
c. Economic burden on society
The economic consequence of divorce extends beyond the individuals involved, placing a financial strain on public resources. A report from the Institute of Economic Affairs (2016) found that family breakdown costs the UK economy approximately £48 billion annually in welfare and support programmes, with similar patterns observed in the USA (Thomas & Sawhill, 2002). Divorce-related economic challenges normally require government intervention in the form of social welfare, housing assistance, and other public benefits, making family dysfunction an economic burden on society (Vignoli et al., 2018).
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist). https:// counselorprinceass.wixsite.com/ edu-counseling-psych
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website-psychologist
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COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
