1. Marital Infidelity (Marital Unfaithfulness)

Marital infidelity (adultery) is one of the most significant challenges facing families in our society.

Many divorces are due to (in one way or another) marital infidelity of spouses. In a 2019 study by the Amer­ican Psychological Association (APA): “Infidelity was found to be the cause of 20-40 per cent of US divorces.”

Infidelity and divorce are very old, yet their levels seem to increase with time. One wonders why people are unable to learn from the past and eradicate infidelity in their marriag­es—which would, in turn, reduce the divorce rates.

The institution of marriage is based on deep trust between the two partners that enter it. Adultery (marital infidelity) is considered a violation of that faith in each other and a severe betrayal. This violation of trust is not to be taken lightly, as it can profoundly affect both parties and the marriage as a whole.

While many instances of marital infidelity are the results of a vola­tile family situation, there are also personal factors that can push one to commit adultery. Christians and society see the act as a sin, immoral, and an abomination.

This societal view can put great pressure on individuals, making them feel guiltier and less likely to seek reconciliation, thereby increasing the likelihood of divorce.

In some cases, mental conditions can influence people and lead to self-destructive behaviours such as sexual infidelity.

In such cases, the person typical­ly knows that the act will harm the family but commits it regardless. Marital infidelity as revenge after learning of one’s spouse’s unfaithful­ness should also be considered part of this category. Sometimes, infidel­ity can even push the other spouse who is committed to the relationship into adultery out of the belief that in doing so, they will share the burden.

Marital infidelity, regardless of the reasons behind it, inflicts deep wounds on both parties and the marriage as a whole. The betrayed spouse often feels inadequate and begins to question their worth, while the adulterer is burdened with guilt and mental weakness. These pro­found effects underscore the gravity of marital infidelity and its poten­tial to shatter a marriage. Looking for personal faults that drove their spouse to act as they did.

Unfortunately, marriages fre­quently end after adultery is discov­ered, partly due to the tendency of cheaters (adulterers) to do so repeat­edly. Often, this leads to one or both spouses seeing the act as the dissolu­tion of their marital relationship.

Children are likely to be affect­ed adversely as a result, especially because adultery-related divorces tend to end with the adults not being on good terms. Ultimately, adultery (marital infidelity) is highly destruc­tive to marriages regardless of the cause and may often lead to their dissolution in the case that the other spouse learns about the act.

2. Excessive Arguing and Lack of Effective Communication

Most arguments in marriage happen because of a communication breakdown. Excessive arguing and a continuous lack of effective commu­nication have been cited as causes of divorce in many cases. Therefore, improving communication can make a big difference between a happy marriage and one that experiences separation or divorce.

In 2019, a survey conducted by ‘Your Tango’ found the following lack of communication in divorce statis­tics:

• ‘Communication problems’ is the most common factor that leads to divorce, at 65 per cent

• This was followed by couples’ ‘inability to resolve issues,’ at 43 per cent.

Open and honest communication with a spouse can show trust, re­spect, and deference to the other spouse’s thoughts and beliefs. Excel­lent communication can see a rela­tionship through difficulties, while lack thereof could cause a simple argument to escalate into grounds for a divorce.

It is not surprising that a lack of effective communication in marriage leads to divorce or separation in many instances. Given how crucial communication is to a successful marriage, it is better to work on your communication skills or find a good therapist to assist you than to allow situations to deteriorate in your marriage.

To be continued …

Source: Excerpts from “A COUN­SELLOR’S GUIDE TO USING ‘Pre­paring for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ EFFECTIVELY” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist).

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COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCI­ATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)

Several research findings have identified factors likely to account for divorce. These factors include (but are not limited to):

1. Employment Status and Income Levels of Individuals

Several research on the employ­ment status of married individuals have identified how it influences marital stability. If the husband is employed, the likelihood of the mar­riage ending in divorce is low.

The is because, as the head, he would be in a better position to pro­vide for the family’s needs, strength­ening the family and increasing their standard of living (Lee, unpublished).

On the contrary, women who are employed are at risk of having a higher divorce rate, particularly when they find themselves in unhap­py marriages.

This is because they can afford to be independent and cater for their children (Becker, Landes & Michael, 1977; Oppenheimer, 1997; Sayer & Bianchi, 2000). Moore’s (1994) argument also supports the fact that women’s divorce risks increase as they find themselves in highly time-demanding occupations outside the home. This is because they might be unable to devote ample time to their spouses and children.

Despite these findings, I know of a good number of women who are doing their best to maintain some balance between their married life and their work. I highly commend such women for their extra efforts on behalf of their families.

2. Wealth

Research shows that the indi­viduals’ wealth status could either increase or decrease the probability of divorce. Some scholars (Kurderk, 1993 and Rootalu, 2010) indicated that when individuals are more afflu­ent and wealthy, marriage stability is compromised because couples could easily afford the costs involved in the divorce process.

Others also suggest that individ­uals who are not wealthy (especially women) are at lower risk of divorce than more prosperous women (Am­bert, 2002).

3. Geographical Location or Type of Residential Place

Geographic location and its char­acteristics could impact your mar­riage’s stability. Several studies on the location of residence have shown that married couples who live in urban communities are more likely to experience divorce than their rural counterparts (Adegoke, 2010; Adedo­kun, 1998).

According to Takyi (2001) and Moore (1994), urbanisation under­mines African marriages.

Characteristics dominant in urban communities, such as the preference for conjugal union over the extended family and the increasing number of women in restrictive and time-con­suming employment setups, have been argued to weaken the founda­tion of families and marriages.

This is because the conjugal family type does not allow for the in­volvement of other extended family members except for the immediate family (nuclear family). The immedi­ate family is mainly made up of the married couple and their children; hence, there is less opportunity for the involvement of other members of the other family.

Indeed, it matters a lot how much your in-laws are involved in your marriage (in a healthy way, without much interference).

Modernisation in Africa is destroy­ing the benefits that could have been derived from couples’ healthy rela­tionships with the extended family.

Oppong (1992) supported this argument that African modernisation has led to the type of urbanisation, encouraging wide separation from extended families. Unfortunately, ur­banisation supports an individualistic living arrangement (devoid of consid­erations for other families).

It is not surprising that a good number of researchers confirm that urban divorce rates exceed rural areas’ rates.

To be continued …

Source: Excerpts from “PREPAR­ING FOR A HAPPY AND FULFILLING MARRIAGE: Everything You Need to Know Before You Say ‘I Do’” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist). ORDER BOOK NOW: https://selar.co/prepar­ing-for-a-happy-and-fulfilling-mar­riage

https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website-psychologist

https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website

https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/author

COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCI­ATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)