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Obaa Yaa

Can men be relied upon?

Dear ObaaYaa,

We grew up in the same vicinity, shared our aspirations and plans of the future together and got used to each other.

Being the first man in my life, l did all l could to demonstrate my genuine love for him and my willingness to be his wife eventually in holy matrimony. Out of love, l got pregnant on two occasions for him but he impressed on me to abort the pregnancy since it will put a lot of burden on both of us as a young couple.

Whenever l pledge my love for him, he would respond by saying that since l was created from one of his ribs, he would love me till death do us part. He further gave me the assurance that l would definitely form an integral part of his future and would do everything to love me just as l love him.

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On occasions that l demanded he should officially come to see my parents and perform the preliminary knocking rites, he would brush the issue aside and give me the assurance that he would surely do that at the appropriate time.

But l was shocked to the marrow when a friend whispered into my ears that my lover was making plans to marry from a nearby town. This person wanted to find out if we had separated, a condition which has given him the opportunity to marry another person.

Though the person who had given him the information to me is respectable, and could not carry false information, l did not believe it because my lover will not treat me like that in view of the love between us and the assurances he had given me.

But l had the greatest shock of my life when my uncle came to confirm the story and blamed me for giving my whole life to this young man whom he described as ungrateful and very wicked.

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His concern was that, having moved with him for all these years and what l had put in the relationship to work, there was no way he should treat me like a rag. It would have been worse if he had known that l had aborted two of his pregnancies.

I am totally devastated, confused and do not know what to do.

With this behaviour, can men be trusted?

Ama, Koforidua,

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Dear Ama,

I can envisage the pain in your heart and how disorganised you must be under the circumstance.

I am pretty sure you must be thinking about the possibility of becoming barren as a result of the two pregnancies you had caused.  It is difficult to nurse your interest in a person you love and have the hope that you would be happily married only to get the shock of your life like this incident.

Though it is not easy to overcome this sort of problem, l would appeal to you to let bygones be bygones, face the challenge and re-organise your life.

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I would plead with you not to raise any alarm since he has decided to do what pleased him. There are occasions people pay for the wrong that they have done. Kindly give your concerns to God and the arbiter of your life will bless and direct your steps in life.

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Obaa Yaa

Under pressure from family to marry

Dear Obaa Yaa,

I am 38 and single. In spite of the pressure I receive from my mother, I have decided not to marry now until I am financially sound.

It is this same mother of mine who would keep asking me for things even when I am married.

Obaa Yaa, recently my mother actually came to my house with a 10 member delegation from my hometown in the Ashanti Region at dawn.

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Their mission was to give me two weeks ultimatum to marry or else they would bring me a wife from the village.

Obaa Yaa, please what should I do?

Akwasi.

Dear Akwasi,

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MARRIAGE is not a child’s play. I understand the fact that you want to be financially sound to decide on marriage.

You are not getting younger so try to give ear to what your mother is saying.

No one can force you to marry against your will. Get to your mother with a respectable elder and let her know that she is embarrassing you with her unwarranted demands.

Assure her that in your own good time, you would get married and that you are not prepared to accept any imposition.

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Obaa Yaa

He forcibly kissed me

Dear Obaa Yaa,

I am a 20-year-old girl and a virgin. I have made up my mind not to have sex before marriage or involve myself in any immoral acts.

Interestingly, when I turned 25, I met a man who was in his early thirties doing so well with business.

He is very kind, lovely, faith­ful, caring, humble and God-fear­ing.

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We began dating for some time and because he didn’t ask for sex, I concluded he was the right man for me.

One holiday, we decided to hang out. He proposed marriage to me, when I said yes, he forci­bly kissed me.

Looking at things, I am afraid that he will one day forcibly have sex with me.

Should I go on with this rela­tionship?

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Annora, Sunyani.

Dear Anora,

YOU are growing and you should be able stand by the decisions you take.

Once this man has forcibly kissed you, what he intends to do next is to have sex with you.

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He might be a good man so don’t end the relationship be­cause of the incident that hap­pened.

If you are not ready to marry, do not accept any love proposal from a man.

If you are also interested in him, kindly tell him to do the needful before any other thing.

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