Relationship
The family budget
Husband and wife arguing over ‘chopmoney’EVERY family has a Finance Minister. Such a minister is normally the head of the house, in other words the Executive President.
One of the characteristics of the finance minister is that he has a moustache with or without a ‘goatee.’
The moustache is usually twitched to frighten undisciplined children and the ‘goatee’ is used to terrify the wife. In fact the ‘goatee’ always reminds the wife of a he-goat and its gimmicks and antics. After painstaking research, my bosom friend Kokotako has come out with the conclusion that men with ‘goatee’ are more sexually appealing to women.
The Sikaman family life is an interesting one in that nothing is done according to the 1992 Constitution. The Finance Minister of the home is not supposed to present the family budget to the wife and children who are the family equivalent of the national Parliament.
He decides what the chop money must be, whether the wife must perm or jerry the hair, whether the kids must eat oats and milk for breakfast or zorzor, alias ‘yorke gari’ alias ‘yorks’. In effect, there is nothing like democracy much more the Westminister variation of it.
In extreme cases where the husband has the credentials of Adolf Hitler, he assumes kitchen-power and fetches the soup during supper. He sits behind the soup with a pot-belly and unilaterally decides who should get what size of meat and what level of soup.
Almost invariably, there is military discipline in the family such that the wife can only sneeze on Sundays and public holidays. Every minute, the man growls like a tiger while opening and closing his eyes like a maniac. All these are reinforced by a bottle of peters (bitters) in an obscured corner, often under the bed which is refilled every three hours.
“Kwadwo, run like a hare to Davi’s place and top my bitters before I somersault. In fact, if you don’t run like Ben Johnson under the influence of steroids, I’ll break your neck. Remember, I have to take three tots before caning you for not fetching water yesterday.”
Yes, Akpeteshie also gives appetite for fathers. Taking some tots, they start thinking where to seek political asylum because as a Lagosian would say, ‘Trouble don come for house.’
When I was in Class Six, our teacher once told us that in the developed countries families were often very concerned about the management of their homes and so man and wife often held weekly, fortnightly or monthly meetings to draw the family budget.
This is made possible by a joint account. The family’s needs from soap and cigarettes to blue jeans and holiday trips are budgeted for. That way things are done in an orderly manner and there is no case of over- spending, under-spending or ‘chobo’.
Perhaps, this is the ideal thing to do in Sikaman, but here there are obvious problems. First, the family’s income is often inadequate because of many factors including the man’s appetite. Secondly, there is a concealment of income on both sides.
The husband will declare ¢40,000 when his take-home pay is ¢60,000, meaning the extra will be used to finance personal habits and the needs of girlfriends.
The wife will also under-declare what she makes each day at the market for fear that her husband would force her to contribute to the upkeep of the home. So when she says she made only 4,000, she is in fact asking you to multiply it by 2/½ to get the correct figure. So in fact she made 9,000. It’s quite funny and you’ll have to be well-versed in JSS Mathematics to cope with her pace.
Because of all these, it is impossible for husband and wife to sit at table to draw the family budget. This is one of the reasons why some churches demand that prospective brides and grooms attend marriage counselling school for at least six months before being allowed to marry.
In the marriage school, they are taught home management and how to arouse sexual feelings in their mates. The man is cautioned on the dangers of drinking raw akpeteshie and the sins of chasing women like a bearded he-goat. “Don’t also beat your wife. God doesn’t like that.”
The woman is advised not to talk too much ‘rubbish’, not to have too many friends and taught how to please a man’s heart by pleasing his stomach with good food. She is warned not to converse with other men on frivolous topics that might lead to sexy topics etc.
Normally such lectures are helpful, but it turns out that the couples are only prepared to adhere to only 10 percent of what they are taught. Ninety percent of what they learn are impracticable, so the marriage school is only considered as a waste of time.
Well, my former classmate Kwame Korkorti, the born-mathematician, has long detected that since money palaver is the cause of many shattered marriages, couples need to be more transparent, communicative and co-operative in solving their financial problems.
Observation has shown that marriages break more often not because of the lack of money per se, but because of the mistrust on both sides as far as money matters are concerned. It might be that the man really has no money but the woman feels he has and is using it to chase other women, etc.
It all boils down to honesty, sincerity, goodwill, understanding and a desire to make the marriage work with or without money palaver. Let’s not make money the basis of a successful marriage.
Wishing all readers and fans of Sikaman Palava a nice week-end.
Relationship
When the tides change
GONG! Gong! Gong! Gong! Fellow Umofians! I bring you good tidings from our forebearers! It is another day in our great land!
Umofians, there is good news from the village square! Hear ye, good people! Good deeds are like perfume, wafting sweet fragrances to our noses. You see, I recall market tales of a boy wonder, providing good roads, water, clothes, and food, making life comfortable for his community. Today, he stands before us ready to serve his people at the national level.
A big Akwaaba to this boy wonder! And as we the Ewes say, Woezor! We Umofians have long since heard of your good deeds and sung your praises! And now, as the winds of change sweep through the community, they carry the whispers of gratitude, louder than the rustling of harmattan leaves! Ayekoo! Indeed, no sun sets without its histories and you have written yours in golden letters. Y3 ma wo amo! Well done!
Speaking of change, Umofians, have you noticed how opinions can shift faster than Accra traffic during rush hour?
Ehe, I remember vividly that we were in this country when this boy wonder, now our illustrious lawmaker, was the self-appointed ‘Siren Police,’ vehemently opposing MPs for the use of sirens on our busy roads. But now the tides have changed, fellow Umofians, our rhythms are beating differently and we are singing a new tune. Indeed, life has a funny way of tooting its own horn… literally!
Buckle up, Umofians! Here is what you missed.
Breaking news from the village square: our newest Honourable member has had a change of heart! It seems he has traded in his ‘Siren Police’ badge for a dispatch rider’s helmet. Why, you ask? He had a scheduling conflict – attending the 92nd National Convention (Jalsa) of the Ahmadiyya Muslim at Gomoa Pomadze and parliamentary duties on the same day. Talk about multitasking!
Fellow Umofians, it seems the tides have indeed changed and so has our Honourable member’s tune! They say the wearer of the shoe knows where it hurts the most and now our Honourable member is feeling the pinch!
You see, it is ridiculously easy to play judge when you are sitting on the sidelines, sipping on a cold bottle of ‘Club Beer’, and watching the game unfold. But what happens when you are suddenly thrust into the hot seat?
Perhaps our dearest newest boy wonder has found out. After all, nothing screams “I have seen the light!” quite like being stuck in the mother of all traffic jams, late for a meeting. Suddenly, the wail of sirens seems like a symphony of efficiency. Honourable, your dramatic U-turn is a classic tale of “if you cannot beat them, join them.”
Until next time, stay vigilant and keep smiling!
To be continued……
With Eyram, the Tale Bearer
Relationship
Good reasons for getting married – Part 2
3. Marry because you are mature and ready for it in all ways: spiritual, physical, emotional, financial, and psychological.
You must understand the need to be ready and mature for marriage. Marriage is a crucial decision that requires careful consideration and preparation. Spiritual maturity means a strong faith and shared beliefs with your partner (Colossians 3:14).
Being physically mature has to do with coming of age, taking care of your body, and being able to support your partner. Emotional maturity implies you can manage your emotions and communicate well (Proverbs 15:1).
Financial maturity means being able to provide for your partner and home. It also means being financially stable (Proverbs 21:5). Whereas psychological maturity is about knowing yourself and handling life’s challenges (Romans 12:2).
All these factors help you be ready for marriage. They also help you build a strong, lasting relationship with your spouse.
The verses above show that a strong relationship with God, self-care, communication, financial responsibility, and personal growth are key to being ready for marriage.
4. Marry to spiritually and physically help each other.
Marriage is a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman who choose to share their lives together. Spirituality and physical wellbeing are both essential components of a healthy relationship. Couples can enjoy supporting each other spiritually and physically. Here are some ways to achieve this.
Spiritual help:
a. Share your spiritual beliefs and practices with each other.
b. Attend church services or religious events together.
c. Pray together.
d. Discuss spiritual teachings and how they apply to your relationship.
e. Encourage each other to live a life of kindness, compassion, and service.
Physical help:
a. Exercise together.
b. Cook healthy meals and eat together.
c. Take care of each other’s physical needs.
d. Support each other during illnesses.
e. Sleep well and create a healthy sleep routine.
By supporting each other, couples can grow and strengthen their bond in all aspects of life.
5. Marry based on your God-given destiny and assignment in life.
Many believe that everyone has a unique, God-given destiny. It can guide decisions, including whom to marry. Some believe that God has a specific person for each individual. Others believe that God directs and helps them choose wisely.
Ask your marriage counsellor this: Does God have a specific person for me to marry, or can I marry anyone?
Does God have a specific person for me to marry, or can I marry anyone?
Marry based on a combination of reasons. These include compatibility, love, respect, and shared faith, values, and goals. Also, commit to supporting and caring for each other. It can help to seek advice from a trusted marriage counsellor, family members, or spiritual leaders. Also, reflect on your priorities and dreams before deciding.
Marriage can bring you and your partner closer together. You will share the same values and goals for your future. It can help you solidify your relationship and bring a sense of unity.
6. Marry for a lifelong commitment and dedication.
Marriage is a public declaration of commitment and dedication to each other. It shows that you are serious about your relationship and willing to put in the effort to make it work. Many marry to show their commitment and dedication to building a life together.
Marriage can provide a legal and social framework for you and your spouse to share your lives, support each other, and celebrate your successes. It can also create a sense of stability and security for both of you and any potential children you may have.
Finally, the choice to marry is personal and it should be based on your understanding of marriage and your needs, goals, and values.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist). https://counselorprinceass.wixsite. com/edu-counseling-psych
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website-psychologist
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website
COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
