Obaa Yaa
My marriage is coming to an end
Dear Obaa Yaa,
MY name is Philip and I’m 45 years old while my wife is 40 years. We have been married for 14 years but been together for 19 years. We have a girl, she is in High School now and doing pretty well.
My company had a conference at a hotel in Kumasi and four of us from my department were selected to represent the company. During lunch, I decided to take a stroll and enjoy the scenery around the hotel since it’s my first time there.
As I strolled around, I was shocked to see my wife step out of a vehicle with a younger man. They started walking towards the reception of the hotel. The man placed his arms around her waist and they were enjoying each other’s company.
I froze and felt a huge cloud of pain weighing over my head. I wanted to shout and approach them but when I opened my mouth, no words came out and my feet was too heavy to drag.
I am in my mother’s house now, I do not know how I will face her if I eventually go home. I was told my mom needs help with few things at the house so I will lend a helping hand and also sleep over. I haven’t told anyone but my mom suspects that something is wrong.
I am so devastated right now, my marriage and home seems to be coming to an end. Please what should I do?
Philip, Kumasi.
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Dear Philip,
I understand how you feel; I plead with you to continue to be patient with your wife.
Please try and go home to have a word with her concerning what you witnessed.
Give her the benefit of doubt to explain what she was exactly doing there at that time with the man.
I am pleading with you to give her a second chance but most importantly, kindly inform her parents about it to talk to her.
You can seek the help of a professional counselor and go for therapies with her.
However, if you are not comfortable staying with her, please part ways with her peacefully. You can co-parent your daughter.
Obaa Yaa
They said the carpenter is not a good match
Dear Obaa Yaa,
As a University graduate from the prestigious University of Ghana currently doing my National Service in a very great institution, I am dating a carpenter who barely completed his Junior High School.
I love him, and I don’t see any problem dating him but my sisters are against it.
I started dating him when I was in my third year, he is caring, free spirit and kind.
My sisters are saying he is not a good match for me and he will block my chances in future.
He’s even demanding to go see my parents.
Please what should I do?
Miriam,North Legon
*****
Dear Miriam,
I can see the love for your boyfriend is deep. I pray the two of you will be in this boat forever.
Love does not show class, level etc. It’s about two matured people who have decided to build a family together.
In your letter, you mentioned that your sisters were against you marrying the carpenter. They are looking at your boyfriend’s background and occupation.
If you really love him, you can help him to register for courses in order to upgrade his schooling and make his business very attractive.
I know there are men who are interested in you as well. But don’t let that get into your head. Take your time and study all of them because marriage is a long journey.
Take him to your parents as well, they might even like him.
Obaa Yaa
He has stopped going to church
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am going through hell. I have been married for five years and I have known no peace.
My husband who was a staunch Christian before we married has taken to serious drinking.
And anytime he is drunk, he insults me for no reason. We have a child together.
He has stopped going to church with us. Anytime he is drunk, he doesn’t come home.
I can’t cope any longer with the marriage, I want to quit. I need your wise counsel.
Yaa Mansa,
Techiman.
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Dear Yaa Mansa,
Married is not a straight road. It can be rough and winding sometimes because many factors come to play.
Frustration at work can turn a man into a drunkard. Even nagging can change the nice character of a man.
Financial problems can change a man’s mood.
So humans do change, but the good thing is that they can also change for the better.
However before a person can change, the root cause of his problem must be ascertained.
Find out why your husband is drinking and also stopped going to church and help him to reform.
Note that in such circumstances, nagging does no good. He must be sympathized with and helped to turn around, and not condemned.
