Relationship
Setting boundaries in relationships
What are boundaries?
Boundaries are the behavioural expectations and limits that a person maintains in relationships to preserve their mental health and respect the feelings of others. Good boundaries—which can apply to loved ones, friends, coworkers, and family members—form the bedrock of healthy relationships, instituting a common comfort level concerning different activities and conversational topics.
By establishing consensual terms on which to build and conduct relationships, boundary setting is both a form of self-care and a way of showing your care for others.
Reasons to set boundaries
All healthy relationships involve some degree of boundary setting, which can benefit all parties. Here is how:
1. Creates comfortable social interactions: Too-rigid boundaries impede authentic, solid bonds, while too-loose boundaries can foster unhealthy codependency or oversharing. However, setting healthy emotional boundaries that prioritise reciprocity creates healthy, balanced relationships where both parties can trust each other.
2. Decreases stress: When a person openly communicates their needs to the people around them, they can realistically assess the reciprocal levels of accountability if a person mistreats them, reducing the stress of placing internal or external blame.
3. Fosters self-esteem: Setting healthy boundaries allows a person to command greater control over their personal space, how they spend their time, and how others treat them. This level of control can increase a person’s self-awareness and help them get in touch with their needs while still honoring the needs of others.
Types of boundaries
When considering the kinds of boundaries you will like to set in your relationships, it is important to assess your needs. Here are some of the types of boundaries you can set:
1. Emotional boundaries: These mental boundaries dictate a person’s comfort level with sharing their emotions with others and vice-versa.
2. Financial boundaries: How a person feels about discussing personal finances or loaning money to others qualifies as financial boundaries.
3. Physical boundaries: These boundaries relate to physical space and a person’s comfort with others crossing those boundaries. Physical boundaries include a person’s personal space desires or how they feel about someone hugging or touching them.
4. Professional boundaries: Many people feel less comfortable sharing personal matters with their professional colleagues than with friends and family. These professional boundaries may overlap with a person’s emotional and physical boundaries.
5. Sexual boundaries: A person can set limitations around sexual comments or advances made upon them by other parties in different situations, like on a first date or at family gatherings.
6. Time boundaries: If a person requires a certain amount of alone time or social time to feel happy and fulfilled, these are time boundaries.
How to set boundaries
Setting boundaries can seem daunting, but being too lax may create more emotional work for everyone in a relationship. Here are some tips on how to begin setting boundaries:
- Discuss early or as conflicts arise. An easy way to avoid confusion or hurt feelings in a budding relationship is to clarify how you’d like people to treat you—whether they are coworkers, friends, or romantic partners. Conversely, you can hold off and discuss the situations and conflicts as they arise—just make sure to communicate your needs honestly in the moment.
- Reinforce as needed. Reminding people about your boundaries does not have to result in conflict. Instead, you can gently bring up your grievances when someone commits a boundary violation. If the behavior continues, revisit the topic or—if the person seems unreceptive—consider distancing yourself from them.
- Communicate and revisit regularly. Having strong boundaries does not mean that you are stubborn; it merely means that you have the self-awareness and communication skills to relay your needs to others. If the nature of a relationship changes, or if you feel differently, it is perfectly acceptable to discuss revising your boundaries. –Source: masterclass.com
Relationship
What you should expect to learn in pre-marital counselling
- Pre-marital counselling involves couples coming together for joint therapy sessions
Many times, pre-marital counselling involves couples or partners coming together for joint therapy sessions. Working with a qualified marriage counsellor or therapist, you will learn skills to help improve your relationship as a couple.
At the same time, it is not all pre-marital counselling that leads to marriage. It is possible that certain discoveries (and major red flags) could emerge during the counselling sessions, and for that reason one of you may want to discontinue the marriage process so as to avoid any future regrets.
From my experience and professional practice, I would say that no matter how painful it is to break up a relationship prior to marriage; it is still far better to do that than to break up your marriage relationship.
The marriage breakup has more serious implications than any pain that could emerge from relationship break up.
In some instances, the specific topics to be explored and skills to be developed in your pre-marital counselling sessions will depend on your needs as a couple.
Despite this, I would give you all the topics and skills to expect your counsellor to take you through in order to have a happy and lasting relationship.
Even if you are not considering pre-marital counselling at the moment, you can still benefit from these skills and topics. They are also an excellent way to create depth in your conversations and build a solid healthy foundation in the early stages of your relationship.
Not in any specific order, I would like you to take note of these important skills and lessons you will learn in your sessions: 1 understanding the concept of marriage, 2 building a strong foundation for your marriage, 3 examining your expectations leading to your marriage, 4 undergoing medical tests and sometimes mental health assessment, 5 resolving conflicts together, 6 communicating openly and effectively, 7 taking decisions as a couple, 8. building a strong Christian home (if you’re Christians), 9 building transparency and trust, 10 knowing yourselves: your strengths and weaknesses—and how to improve them, 11 building commitment towards the marriage and each other, 12 accepting your unique roles and responsibilities in your marriage, 13 planning your future together, 14 sexual intimacy in marriage, 15 bearing and raising children, 16 understanding the concept of love, 17 the role of love languages in experiencing marital happiness, 18 managing your home finances, 19 defining your beliefs and values, 20 adjustments in marriage, 21 balancing love, work, and family life, 22 relating with your in-laws and third parties, 23 creating your unique marriage and family rituals, 24 engaging married couples to learn from them, 25 understanding divorce and what causes it, 26 Christian view on divorce, 27 preparing for your marriage ceremony, 28 planning for your honeymoon and how to maximise it, and finally, 29 making your first year of marriage count.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist). https://counselorprinceass.wixsite.com/edu-counseling-psych
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website-psychologist
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website
COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
Relationship
Tips for creating healthy working relationships
We spend around a third of our lives at work. Our jobs and careers make a real impact on our overall levels of happiness. Having good work relationships will always make our jobs more enjoyable
Also, when we have great workplace relationships we will demonstrate cooperation, trust and fairness, activating the reward centre of our brains which encourages even more positive interactions.
Here are some tips to create healthy relationships at the workplace.
1. Focus on self-awareness
This means taking full responsibility for your words and actions, not letting your own negative emotions impact the people around us.
If you feel frustration or resentment towards others this will manifest in what you observe and the way you engage.
By developing your own Emotional Intelligence, you will become more adept at identifying and handling your emotions be able to recognise the needs of others.
Again, if you view colleagues with compassion and respect, you will improve your interactions and build strong working relationships.
What would happen if you stopped making judgments and embraced a positive appraisal of your co-workers? If we saw difference as something valuable that could be harnessed and actually enhance your perception and understanding of those around you? Your vibe will always attract your tribe.
2. Be open and honest
A good relationships depend on open, honest communication. Whether you are sending emails or meeting face-to-face or on video calls, the more effectively you communicate with those around you, the better you will connect. It is important to identify the nature of your relationships with others.
What is it that we need and what do our colleagues need from us? Once you know the fundamentals of what you need you can be clear with communicating and better understanding each other’s requirements.
3. Practice active listening
Good people skills are essential. How good are you at collaborating, communicating and managing challenge? People respond better to those who truly listen to what they have to say. By practicing active listening, you will talk less and understand colleagues more and you will quickly become trustworthy and have more successful interactions.
One key skill you can forget when listening is the power of a good question. Active listening is engaging in what you hear, asking questions such as ‘What would you like to happen?’ How can I help you address that? Shows you listen and you care.
4. Avoid bad people skills
Good people skills mean avoiding the bad people skills. Gossip and negativity can ruin any workplace relationships. If you are experiencing challenge with someone in your group, talk to them directly and kindly about the problem, be prepared to listen attentively and objectively.
Gossiping or colluding with other colleagues will only aggravate the issues, accelerating mistrust and animosity.
5. Give praise and feedback
Everyone wants to feel that their work is appreciated and to feel truly valued. Genuinely complimenting the work and actions of those around you is a great way to build relationships.
Be honest, precise and authentic when delivering praise. Thank you or a gentle word of encouragement can make all the difference to someone’s day. These positive interactions can have a ripple effect and create a much happier and more successful workplace
