Relationship
Setting boundaries in relationships
What are boundaries?
Boundaries are the behavioural expectations and limits that a person maintains in relationships to preserve their mental health and respect the feelings of others. Good boundaries—which can apply to loved ones, friends, coworkers, and family members—form the bedrock of healthy relationships, instituting a common comfort level concerning different activities and conversational topics.
By establishing consensual terms on which to build and conduct relationships, boundary setting is both a form of self-care and a way of showing your care for others.
Reasons to set boundaries
All healthy relationships involve some degree of boundary setting, which can benefit all parties. Here is how:
1. Creates comfortable social interactions: Too-rigid boundaries impede authentic, solid bonds, while too-loose boundaries can foster unhealthy codependency or oversharing. However, setting healthy emotional boundaries that prioritise reciprocity creates healthy, balanced relationships where both parties can trust each other.
2. Decreases stress: When a person openly communicates their needs to the people around them, they can realistically assess the reciprocal levels of accountability if a person mistreats them, reducing the stress of placing internal or external blame.
3. Fosters self-esteem: Setting healthy boundaries allows a person to command greater control over their personal space, how they spend their time, and how others treat them. This level of control can increase a person’s self-awareness and help them get in touch with their needs while still honoring the needs of others.
Types of boundaries
When considering the kinds of boundaries you will like to set in your relationships, it is important to assess your needs. Here are some of the types of boundaries you can set:
1. Emotional boundaries: These mental boundaries dictate a person’s comfort level with sharing their emotions with others and vice-versa.
2. Financial boundaries: How a person feels about discussing personal finances or loaning money to others qualifies as financial boundaries.
3. Physical boundaries: These boundaries relate to physical space and a person’s comfort with others crossing those boundaries. Physical boundaries include a person’s personal space desires or how they feel about someone hugging or touching them.
4. Professional boundaries: Many people feel less comfortable sharing personal matters with their professional colleagues than with friends and family. These professional boundaries may overlap with a person’s emotional and physical boundaries.
5. Sexual boundaries: A person can set limitations around sexual comments or advances made upon them by other parties in different situations, like on a first date or at family gatherings.
6. Time boundaries: If a person requires a certain amount of alone time or social time to feel happy and fulfilled, these are time boundaries.
How to set boundaries
Setting boundaries can seem daunting, but being too lax may create more emotional work for everyone in a relationship. Here are some tips on how to begin setting boundaries:
- Discuss early or as conflicts arise. An easy way to avoid confusion or hurt feelings in a budding relationship is to clarify how you’d like people to treat you—whether they are coworkers, friends, or romantic partners. Conversely, you can hold off and discuss the situations and conflicts as they arise—just make sure to communicate your needs honestly in the moment.
- Reinforce as needed. Reminding people about your boundaries does not have to result in conflict. Instead, you can gently bring up your grievances when someone commits a boundary violation. If the behavior continues, revisit the topic or—if the person seems unreceptive—consider distancing yourself from them.
- Communicate and revisit regularly. Having strong boundaries does not mean that you are stubborn; it merely means that you have the self-awareness and communication skills to relay your needs to others. If the nature of a relationship changes, or if you feel differently, it is perfectly acceptable to discuss revising your boundaries. –Source: masterclass.com
Relationship
Tips for a stress free family Christmas
Many people find Christmas a stressful time and this is often to do with expectations. We all worry about getting the right gifts for people, preparing the perfect Christmas dinner, getting the house ready and spending concentrated time with extended family.
To help you have a fun Christmas rather than a frazzled one here are some tips for keeping the pressure off.
1. State expectations
Make sure that you have conversations with your family and friends about everyone’s expectations of Christmas well in advance. That way you can deal with any difficult demands and make compromises that suit everyone.
If you are worried about the cost of Christmas, you could also set some spending limits for gifts or come up with ideas for presents that don’t need to be bought; for example washing the car or making someone breakfast in bed.
2. Remember it’s OK to say no
As well as talking to your family about what they want to happen at Christmas be honest about what you want to do too.
If you want to turn something down, explain why you do not want to do it, and have a suggestion ready for an alternative.
For example instead of taking on all the cooking you could suggest a ‘bring and share’ meal so that everyone takes a share of the work.
3. Practical prep
If you are hosting Christmas, it is always a good idea to do some prep beforehand – simple things like making (or buying!) the food early or wrapping presents the weekend before can really help.
Make a list of tasks that need to be done in the run up to Christmas and ask your family and friends to each put their name to something. You can stick this up at home and even get the kids to decorate it with Christmas pictures or stickers.
4. Delegate, delegate, delegate
Do not be afraid to ask your guests for help. We can all fall into the trap of wanting to be the perfect host, but in reality, hosting Christmas Day can be very demanding. Asking people to help can make everyone feel involved. Children really like to feel helpful, so get them involved with handing round snacks or setting the table.
5. Avoid conflict
If you are worried your guests might not get on, go for a walk in the afternoon to break things up a little. This gives everyone the chance to chat to someone different, or even to stay at home if tension is building.
Equally, you can always ask a guest to make drinks, or help out with the kids in order to break up any potential conflict.
6. It is your Christmas too
Christmas Day can whizz by in a festive blur without you so much has sniffing a glass of fizz or pulling a cracker because you’re frantically trying to make everything perfect for everyone else.
Remember that it is your Christmas too and you should be able to enjoy it. Make a timetable for the day so that there are regular times when you can sit down and talk with everyone or play with the children.
Relationship
Social and economic implications of divorce
Social Implications
divorce has social consequences that extend beyond the couple to affect families, communities, and society. The failure of a marriage often leads to a ripple effect that transforms social relationships and societal dynamics (Amato, 2010).
a. Impact on family dynamics
Marital dissolution reshapes family roles and responsibilities, often resulting in conflicts among family members. Studies indicate that children often feel torn between parents, leading to strained parent-child relationships (Lansford, 2009). In Ghana, studies have shown that children in divorced families are more prone to behavioural issues, often feeling unsupported and confused (Abane, 2011). Additionally, research suggests that parental divorce can lead to long-term emotional instability in children—affecting their ability to form secure attachments and causing relational difficulties that may last well into adulthood (Fagan & Churchill, 2012).
b. Community disruption
When marriages break down, communities experience a weakening of social ties. People who are divorced and their children may feel alienated or stigmatised, and thereby become more withdrawn. In the USA, a report by the Institute for Family Studies (Wilcox et al. [2020]) reveals that community-level marriage dissolution correlates with lower community engagement and weaker social bonds. This can contribute to a reduction in collective cohesion, support networks, and social integration—affecting the quality of community life and overall societal well-being (Harkonen, 2014).
c. Children’s social development
Children of divorced parents commonly struggle with issues such as insecurity, trust, and difficulty building relationships. According to a study conducted in the UK, children belonging to divorcees are 33 per cent more likely to experience anxiety and social withdrawal than those in stable two-parent families (Office for National Statistics, 2021). Similarly, Nigerian studies show that children from divorced families mostly struggle with peer relationships, academic performance, and self-esteem (Olowodunoye & Ogungbamila, 2013). These social challenges can have lasting impacts, including increased risks of academic and occupational hurdles in adulthood.
Economic Implications
The economic costs of divorce are both immediate and long-term. They impact individuals and families, and on a larger scale, can influence the economic health of entire societies (Wagner & Weiss, 2006).
a. Financial strain
People’s financial stability can suffer greatly due to divorce. One or both spouses may struggle to cover basic expenses and maintain their pre-divorce lifestyle. Studies from the USA show that, on average, divorce can shrink household income by 15-40 per cent due to legal fees, asset division, and shifts in living arrangements (Amato, 2014). In Ghana, research suggests that divorced women, in particular, face financial hardship, with many relying on extended family support (Osei-Hwedie & Mwansa, 2007). Moreover, divorce in Nigeria substantially changes financial security, especially for women who lack legal protection for property or financial rights (Isiugo-Abanihe, 2005).
b. Impact on career and productivity
Marriage dissolution can alter work productivity and career growth. A study conducted by the United Kingdom’s Marriage Foundation (2019) revealed that individuals undergoing divorce tend to encounter a temporary drop in work performance, with a reported 20 per cent increase in sick days among recently divorced employees. Career disruption not only influences personal financial stability but can also minimise overall workforce efficiency, with consequences for national economic output (Vignoli et al., 2018).
c. Economic burden on society
The economic consequence of divorce extends beyond the individuals involved, placing a financial strain on public resources. A report from the Institute of Economic Affairs (2016) found that family breakdown costs the UK economy approximately £48 billion annually in welfare and support programmes, with similar patterns observed in the USA (Thomas & Sawhill, 2002). Divorce-related economic challenges normally require government intervention in the form of social welfare, housing assistance, and other public benefits, making family dysfunction an economic burden on society (Vignoli et al., 2018).
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist). https:// counselorprinceass.wixsite.com/ edu-counseling-psych
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website-psychologist
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COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
