Features
THESE CROOKS IN CASSOCK!
It’s been donkey’s years since I heard from you,
Araba my beloved sister. I’m told you’ve found
a sugar daddy in the big city, and he is oozing sweet
honey down your lips making you forget all about
me.
Anyway, life in the village has not changed much. I am writing you this quick letter before I dash down with Uncle Fiifi to the farm to tap palm-wine. But you need to advise him, my sister. Uncle Fiifi’s penchant for intoxication seems to have reached a crescendo pitch, and the earlier we helped him nip this habit in the bud the better.
Araba, there have been a few developments in our hamlet and its immediate environs that I find necessary to share with you. I won’t be taken aback if similar developments are rearing their ugly heads in the big city, since such craziness usually begins from there.
It’s now making sense to me why Paapa, while he was alive, constantly cautioned us against associating or worshiping with any of these ‘one man’ churches mushrooming all over the place. Sister, I used to think he was making mountains out of molehills, but events that have unfolded these past weeks have clearly vindicated him.
Araba, did you hear of one Pastor Korkorti this so-called man of God in our village who was busily shaving the pubic hairs out of the private parts of our wives and mothers? Eeii My sister
I couldn’t believe it! The man would bend low every now and then, stare inquiringly at their sensitive parts, and shave the jungles with surgical precision
To rub salt in old wound, Araba, this sorry apology of a priest was speaking gibberish – what he called a spiritual language – while subjecting our women to the height of all deceptions
Sister, it was both whimsical and incredulous to see those gullible women wriggle their waists and sing praises in ecstasy as he hoodwinked them. Araba, from the way the woman wriggled their waists while being shaved, only heaven knows what they would do with those same waists as they scurried to the pastor’s office one after the other after the service
There is something very wrong with the priesthood today, Araba. Everybody is now a pastor; and the emphasis is on money, money, and more money Young people drop out of school when they find academic work quite challenging, and the quickest escape for them is to establish churches and become pastors
When the going gets tough, you must become a pastor so you can take some offering
It’s such a pity, Araba.
I also find it mind-boggling why nearly all of them want to be called ‘prophets’, and the next moment you would hear that they have gone to consult Kwaku Bonsam for powers to perform miracles. Araba, it is quite ludicrous looking at some of the miracles they claim to perform: giving of lotto numbers, instant cash in your mobile money wallet or polythene bag, instant pregnancy, money doubling, power to scam and defraud white people online, Do As I Say, you name them.
Sister, these acts of satanism used to be the stock-in-trade of fetish priests and Juju men in times past.
But today, these magicians parading as pastors, have taken over the game And our radio and television stations, taking their fair share of these pastors’ ill-gotten booty, allot gargantuan time on air to these charlatans to display their tommyrot
Araba, I know and believe there are many good pastors out there: pastors whose preoccupation is to teach the truth of God’s word to their flocks, and also lead by example. But sister, the bad nuts are gradually sinking the ship, and it’s time to wake up before it got too late
I believe there must be freedom of worship and freedom of association, my sister, but we need to check constantly the activities of these charlatans and ensure that their modus operandi fall within the ambit of the law.
As much as it would be improper to infringe on their right to worship, it would also be dangerous and irresponsible on our part to turn a blind eye completely to their activities. Let’s remember, Araba, that our wives, mothers and daughters are among their congregations We cannot sit on the fence
Since ‘religion is the opium of the masses (according to Karl Marx), it is to be expected that men would always take recourse to religion to soothe their pains whenever life’s lances cut deep.
We cannot, therefore, blame poor church folk entirely for running to these conmen to seek remedies. The activities of those churches, I reiterate, ought to be regulated
Araba, many may have thought his move was quite harsh and draconian, but Rwandan President Paul Kagame, deserves tonnes of applause for his relentless effort in clamping down on some churches in Kigali. In that move, 700 churches and a mosque were closed down.
Araba, there was a new law the Kagame administration proposed that I find very interesting: all preachers were to have a theological degree before starting a church. I support this fully, and pray we consider and implement same here in GhanaSound theological training before opening a church would ensure that we have preachers who know what they are about
This whole craziness of pastors claiming to be angels who would soon be promoted to become Jesus Christ; this whole hogwash of preachers claiming to hold sacred meetings with holy angels by name Ayetefrim and Nimokafrim, this whole balderdash of supposed men of God instructing their congregants to drink petrol and eat grass as a form of spiritual direction, this whole tommyrot of so-called prophets of God instructing members of their congregations to perform oral sex on them in order to receive deliverance and blessing, would become a thing of the past when we require church leaders to meet modest standards
Araba, I read also from the news that in South Africa, two churches – Rabboni Ministries and End Time Disciples Ministries – posted images of their leaders feeding followers snakes and rats At that time, the man dubbed the ‘snake pastor’ by local media, Prophet Penuel Mnguni, said he was “doing God’s work and didn’t need to explain God’s ways to people.” Such bullcrap, Araba! That man’s head ought to be examined
Was he saying that it was God’s way for his followers to ingest snakes and rats?!
South Africa’s Commission for the Promotion and Protection of Cultural, Religious and Linguistic Communities (CLR), which summoned 40 churches, said their wide-ranging sessions found that ‘commercialisation is definitely there… and abuse of people belief systems.’ It’s all about money, Araba, and the ways and means to extort it from unsuspecting followers.
The situation is not any different in Kenya, where President Uhuru Kenyatta, has called for the regulation of churches. He has pointed out that the move was aimed at stamping out bogus churches and church leaders, who he described as ‘thieves’ not ‘preachers’.
Araba, it has also become the norm for certain prophets (if really they are), to make predictions about every forthcoming event, claiming to have heard accurately from God, only for those events to produce outcomes completely opposite to their predictions! I know, however, my sister, that every word coming genuinely from God, never fails! And I know, Araba, that when a so-called prophet makes a prediction which fails to materialise, he never heard from God in the first place. His prophecy was only a figment of his own imagination or preference. Listen to what the Scripture says in Deuteronomy 18:22 – when a prophet speaks in the name of the Lord, if the thing does not happen or come to pass, that is the thing which the Lord has not spoken; the prophet has spoken it presumptuously; you shall not be afraid of him.
Araba, I do not want to talk about those I prefer to call the ‘Death Prophets’. All they see is people who would be dying soon. Nothing more, nothing less! I am ‘sick and tired of being sick and tired’, my sister. Let me leave now to tap palm-wine with Uncle Fiifi. But we’ll be careful not to pass by Pastor Korkorti’s church. We’re not ready to have anyone shave our jungles! Just too many crooks in cassock!!
So long,
Kwaku Aidoo
Features
The Prophet part 4
Antobam woke up with a terrible headache. He checked the time on his mobile phone, 2:30 am. “What! Where is the money?” He asked aloud. “Where are those girls? Why did I drink so much of that whisky? What were those two girls up to?” He sat up on the bed and noticed a bulge close to the pillow.
He lifted the mattress and picked up the newspaper wrappers with the neatly arranged notes. He saw the neatly written record of the value of the notes. No, those girls are not thieves.
“It was my mistake. If I hadn’t drank myself to sleep they would be here in bed with me, giving me the time of my life. Pretty girls, those two. And so loyal and honest. Tomorrow will be different.”
“I will not drink any whisky, and I will show them that I am a real man. Just then he heard the whispers. Very soon it will be time, they seemed to be saying. This is an important day.”
The gold dealer will bring lots of money. Give him some of the liquid to drink, and we will prepare him. He will do very big business, and he will give you anything you ask for. There will be more miracles and testimonies today.
Antobam smiled to himself. “I am going to be a very rich man in only a few days man. Money, power, and women. Wow! Antobam got to the grounds at 5, but there were quite a number of people waiting.
Mr Kwame Dofu was among them. He greeted them all, and they came around to shake his hand. “My brothers and sisters, I assure you that whatever your problem is, you will not go home without a solution.” Shouts of “Amen” “thank” you Osofo and “you are a true man of God” responded.
“Please take your seats, and start talking to the great one about whatever bothers you. Before the service is over, there will be a solution.” He waved Mr Dofu over, and went with him to the wooden structure that serves as a temporary office.
“My brother, I have done quite a lot of work on the issue you came to see me about. I have prepared a special, powerful package for you. Take this, drink it, and go back to your business. I want to see you in two weeks.”
Beaming with smiles, Mr Dofu drank the foul smelling liquid in two gulps, said a big thank you to Antobam and took his leave. “I believe you, Papa Osofo. And I assure you that I will reward you, big time.”
Just when Osofo Antubam finished with Mr Dofu, Mary and Suzzie went over to him. “Good Morning ladies. I am very sorry about yesterday. I drank too much of the stuff you gave me. Today will be different, I assure you.”
“Don’t worry, Osofo. Since you are now setting things up, our main concern now is to help you to put things in place, and to make you comfortable. We are always there to serve you. This morning, Osofo, we want to go and clean up your place, and prepare something nice for you when you close.
And before coming to church, we will pass by the bank and collect the forms. After you have signed them, the account will be open. You can check the payments anytime and, of course, issue cheques whenever you need money.”
“Suzzie and Mary, I am happy I picked the two of you from the very start. Listen, I will take good care of you, okay? Here is some money. Buy whatever you need for the errands you have mentioned.
And here is the key. Please come back as early as you can. You know I need you here.” The service was very lively. The lively singing of praise songs was followed by one and a half hours of testimonies.
Most of them related to money – big sales, new jobs and overdue debts paid. But there were also testimonies about healing. Barren women had taken seed, and, of course, several men who had lost their bedroom authority had regained them, to the delight of their partners.
As he had promised, Antobam preached for only 30 minutes, exhorting the congregation to attend church regularly, pay their tithes and offerings, and strictly follow his ‘directions’ for securing solutions to their problems.
After another round of praises during which the congregation danced to the floor to drop their offering, he closed the service, grabbed the big bowl which was full to the brim with money, and moved to his desk. A long queue was quickly formed at the desk.
Meanwhile, Mary and Suzzie had gone to give Antobam’s place quite a decent look. A new bedsheet and pillows, a secondhand carpet and four plastic chairs placed in the verandah had done the trick.
They also prepared two fish and chicken stews. After all these, they rushed to the National Savings Bank and collected application forms for opening current and savings accounts.
They joined the service a few minutes before the main session closed. Antobam looked round and saw, to his relief, Mary and Suzzie moving towards him. “Hello ladies. What have you been up to?” “Quite a bit, Osofo. We’ve just collected your drink. Here you are. We’ve made a few changes at your place. I think you will like it. You will also have something nice to eat. Now, here are the forms for the savings and current accounts.
If you will sign them, the bank will open the account. From today, we can pay all monies direct into the account.” ‘How can I thank you, ladies?” “You don’t need to thank us,” Suzzie said. “It is our duty to help a man of God succeed.” “Okay, my ladies, please take the offerings and count them as you did yesterday.
You can add the payments made after the consultations. Will it be possible to pay them into the account today?” “Yes,” Mary said. “The bank closes at four. If we leave here at three, we would be there just in time.”
The two friends started counting, as Osofo Antobam gave his clients his directions for solving their problems. On quite a few occasions he closed his eyes as if he was receiving direction from above on what to do.
But as the fetish priest at the Nana Kofi Broni shrine and the dwarfs had assured him, the solutions would certainly be provided. Having heard the huge testimonies earlier in the day, the clients parted with substantial sums of money in expectation.
By Ekow de Heer
Features
The issue of spiritual father in our churches
A student was supposed to go to school as the natural cause of events should be when universities or schools in general opens but this was not the case in a certain young man’s life.
He decided to postpone his trip because apparently he could not get to meet his pastor, his spiritual father. The question is, should this spiritual father die, will the young man’s life come to an end?
Does it mean in such an instance, he is going to curtail his education? This is a worrying trend in a lot of churches where the pastors use this notion of spiritual father to manipulate members especially the youth.
Some unscrupulous pastors utilise this spiritual father concept to have affairs with gullible young ladies in their churches.
Now with homosexuality gradually making inroads into some of the churches, young men are becoming vulnerable to pastors who have hidden homosexual inclinations.
This spiritual father concept is a Biblical concept that runs through both the Old Testament as well as the New Testament. We see it in 2 Kings 4:12 where Gehazi is serving Elisha and also in the New Testament we see Paul relating to Timothy in 1 Timothy 1:2 as a Spiritual Father.
In fact, the concept of spiritual father is a good thing if executed according to the word of God since it helps in guiding the younger ones. However, it becomes problematic when it is being executed by unscrupulous wolves in sheepskins as described by Jesus in Mathew 7:15.
I see it as a way that these unscrupulous so-called men of God maintain their hold on the congregants so they do not question their unchristian actions.
One of the things I have observed since I got born again many years ago is that, any pastor who often insists that members recognise that he is their spiritual father is a warning sign that he is doing some wrong things or is about to indulge in some wrong things.
A parent complained about how his daughter was being influenced by a pastor of the church she attends and how worried he was. I am sure there are many parents out there with stories to tell about how their wards are being made to see their pastors almost like their Jesus.
These pastors have managed to make their congregants so loyal to them and to believe in them so much that it is terrifying, as a parent.
The way things are going, an immediate intervention is required otherwise I am not a prophet of doom but I forsee unfortunate instances where parents burst into church auditoriums and star shooting some Pastors out of frustration and anger.
We cannot look on unconcerned as a society and allow unscrupulous fraudsters using the name of God to create problems for families. My recommendation is for a certain amount of regulation in order to bring some sanity in religious practices.
I agree that ordinarily regulating religious practices makes it a bit restrictive in terms of freedom of worship as enshrined in our constitution but given the way things are going, a bit of regulation will not be out of place.
Disgusting stuff are being attributed to some men of God. There are cases of manipulation of young ladies and sometimes married women by so called men of God and it is bringing Christianity and therefore the name of the Lord into disrepute.
Christianity is gradually losing its attractiveness as a result of the negative reportage resulting from disgusting stuff happening in Christian circles. The way some pastors have been manipulating congregants to take money from them leaves much to be desired to the point where they are convincing some of the youth to give out their phones. May God help us.
By Laud Kissi-Mensah
