Relationship
How marital infidelity and excessive arguing lead to divorce
1. Marital Infidelity (Marital Unfaithfulness)
Marital infidelity (adultery) is one of the most significant challenges facing families in our society.
Many divorces are due to (in one way or another) marital infidelity of spouses. In a 2019 study by the American Psychological Association (APA): “Infidelity was found to be the cause of 20-40 per cent of US divorces.”
Infidelity and divorce are very old, yet their levels seem to increase with time. One wonders why people are unable to learn from the past and eradicate infidelity in their marriages—which would, in turn, reduce the divorce rates.
The institution of marriage is based on deep trust between the two partners that enter it. Adultery (marital infidelity) is considered a violation of that faith in each other and a severe betrayal. This violation of trust is not to be taken lightly, as it can profoundly affect both parties and the marriage as a whole.
While many instances of marital infidelity are the results of a volatile family situation, there are also personal factors that can push one to commit adultery. Christians and society see the act as a sin, immoral, and an abomination.
This societal view can put great pressure on individuals, making them feel guiltier and less likely to seek reconciliation, thereby increasing the likelihood of divorce.
In some cases, mental conditions can influence people and lead to self-destructive behaviours such as sexual infidelity.
In such cases, the person typically knows that the act will harm the family but commits it regardless. Marital infidelity as revenge after learning of one’s spouse’s unfaithfulness should also be considered part of this category. Sometimes, infidelity can even push the other spouse who is committed to the relationship into adultery out of the belief that in doing so, they will share the burden.
Marital infidelity, regardless of the reasons behind it, inflicts deep wounds on both parties and the marriage as a whole. The betrayed spouse often feels inadequate and begins to question their worth, while the adulterer is burdened with guilt and mental weakness. These profound effects underscore the gravity of marital infidelity and its potential to shatter a marriage. Looking for personal faults that drove their spouse to act as they did.
Unfortunately, marriages frequently end after adultery is discovered, partly due to the tendency of cheaters (adulterers) to do so repeatedly. Often, this leads to one or both spouses seeing the act as the dissolution of their marital relationship.
Children are likely to be affected adversely as a result, especially because adultery-related divorces tend to end with the adults not being on good terms. Ultimately, adultery (marital infidelity) is highly destructive to marriages regardless of the cause and may often lead to their dissolution in the case that the other spouse learns about the act.
2. Excessive Arguing and Lack of Effective Communication
Most arguments in marriage happen because of a communication breakdown. Excessive arguing and a continuous lack of effective communication have been cited as causes of divorce in many cases. Therefore, improving communication can make a big difference between a happy marriage and one that experiences separation or divorce.
In 2019, a survey conducted by ‘Your Tango’ found the following lack of communication in divorce statistics:
• ‘Communication problems’ is the most common factor that leads to divorce, at 65 per cent
• This was followed by couples’ ‘inability to resolve issues,’ at 43 per cent.
Open and honest communication with a spouse can show trust, respect, and deference to the other spouse’s thoughts and beliefs. Excellent communication can see a relationship through difficulties, while lack thereof could cause a simple argument to escalate into grounds for a divorce.
It is not surprising that a lack of effective communication in marriage leads to divorce or separation in many instances. Given how crucial communication is to a successful marriage, it is better to work on your communication skills or find a good therapist to assist you than to allow situations to deteriorate in your marriage.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “A COUNSELLOR’S GUIDE TO USING ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ EFFECTIVELY” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist).
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COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
Relationship
Why aunt and uncle relationships are unique?
For the most part, people cannot choose whether or not to have a relationship with their parents. They grow up in the same house, they see each other, talk together daily, and they have an ongoing, hopefully, positive relationship.
Aunts and uncles have more freedom than parents in choosing to develop a relationship with a niece or nephew, and both must be interested in forming that bond.
Aunts and uncles desiring to be close to their nieces and nephews can choose ways to interact with them that will strengthen their relationship
1. Role model
One of the most important roles for aunts and uncles is to be a role model. A role model is someone that influences behaviour just by observing how they act. Aunts and uncles can influence their nieces and nephews just by what they do, without saying a word. Aunts can also show their nieces an example of what they may want to be.
2. Friend
Aunts and uncles can also be more of a friend with their nieces and nephews. An important quality that many nieces and nephews name in their parents’ siblings is their ability to have fun. This friendship allows the aunts and nieces (or uncles and nephews) to be involved in common activities they enjoy, such as sports or shopping.
3. Supplemental parents
One role that aunts and uncles often have that is very important is to act as supplemental parents. Aunts and uncles can be complementary to their siblings by providing additional support, to fill the needs that the parents are unable to take care of themselves. This can include providing another supportive adult that kids can go to, to do their hair before a school dance, or by helping to drive them to all the places they need to go. Uncles and aunts can also reinforce the ideas that the parents are trying to teach, such as the importance of education or being kind to your siblings.
4. Buffers between parents and children
Aunts and uncles can also act as intergenerational buffers. This means that they can help mediate the relationship between parent and child.
Instead of siding with one or the other, uncles and aunts can help each family member to try and see the other’s side of the argument.
Relationship
Love in the dark: Understanding depression’s effect on marriage and relationships
Depression is a common mental health disorder that affects millions of people worldwide. According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), over 264 million people suffer from depression, making it a leading cause of disability globally. But what happens when depression enters the picture in our relationships, particularly in marriage?
Understanding Depression
Depression is more than just feeling sad or down. It is a serious medical condition that affects how we feel, think, and behave. In relationships, depression can manifest in different ways, such as:
• Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed together
• Changes in appetite or sleep patterns
• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
• Feelings of hopelessness or helplessness
• Increased irritability or mood swings
• Withdrawal from social interactions or activities
Causes of Depression in Relationships
Some common causes of depression in relationships include:
• The loss of a loved one
• A serious illness or accident
• Divorce, separation, or break-up
• Chronic physical pain
• Feeling trapped or stuck in a situation
• Low self-esteem or bullying
• Trauma or abuse
• Lack of communication or intimacy in the relationship
• Financial stress or difficulties
Symptoms of Depression in Relationships
If you are experiencing depression in your relationship, you may notice:
• Increased conflict or arguments
• Lack of intimacy or emotional connection
• Feeling disconnected from your partner
• Difficulty communicating effectively
• Loss of interest in shared activities
• Feeling overwhelmed or hopeless about the future of the relationship
• Physical symptoms such as headaches or stomach problems
The Impact of Depression on Marriage
Depression can have a significant impact on relationship and marriage, affecting not just the individual but also the relationship as a whole. Some common effects of depression on marriage include:
• Strained communication and conflict
• Lack of intimacy and emotional connection
• Feelings of resentment or frustration
• Difficulty solving problems or making decisions together
• Feeling isolated or disconnected from each other
Seeking Help
The good news is that depression is treatable. If you are struggling with depression in your relationship, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. They can provide you with the tools and support you need to manage your symptoms and strengthen your relationship.
Some effective treatments for depression include:
• Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT)
• Interpersonal therapy (IPT)
• Psychodynamic therapy
• Medication
• Lifestyle changes such as exercise, healthy eating, and stress management
Supporting a Partner with Depression
If your partner is struggling with depression, there are ways you can support them:
• Listen to them without judgment
• Encourage them to seek professional help
• Offer emotional support and validation
• Help with daily tasks or responsibilities
• Encourage self-care and stress management
Depression can have a significant impact on our relationships, but with the right support and treatment, it is possible to manage symptoms and build a stronger, healthier connection with our partners. By understanding depression and seeking help when needed, we can work towards building more resilient and fulfilling relationships.
If you or your partner are struggling with depression, do not hesitate to reach out to us at Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC). Our team of experienced psychotherapists and psychologists are dedicated to helping individuals and couples navigate mental health challenges. Contact us today to learn more about our services and how we can support you.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “HOW TO MAKE THE BEST OF YOUR COURTSHIP: Building a Strong Foundation for Your Marriage” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, Author, and Marriage Therapist).
ORDER BOOK NOW:
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/author https:// counselorprinceass.wixsite. com/edu-counseling-psych https://princeoffei22.wixsite.com/ website-psychologist https://princeoffei22.wixsite.com/website
COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
